The sparkle in his eyes
by wilsonstories
Summary: Bad news for Sonny and Will. My first story, am looking forward to reviews and feedback!
1. Chapter 1

Plot: Sonny's father has been diagnosed with cancer, and Sonny needs some support.

**Will's POV**

The sparkle is gone... His shoulders are hanging down, his eyes are roaming the floor, and the sparkle is gone. He is usually the strong one, the one who tells me that it will all be alright, the one who filters out the one ray of sunlight that is still shining, the one to smile at me and hold me close when everything seems wrong and upside down. But not this time, not today, because today the sparkle is gone.

This morning Sonny got a phone call from his mother asking to meet up today. She sounded nervous and Sonny agreed to meet for dinner at the mansion. When we drove over to the mansion, we went over a number of options why his mother wanted to meet with us, and why she sounded nervous on the phone. And even though Sonny was worried then, as always he focussed on the positive options. And just before we left the car he smiled at me, kissed me on my cheek and said: "everything will be alright".

When we walked into the mansion we felt the tension hanging in the air. I reached for Sonny's hand and squeezed to let him know I was right by his side. He looked at me, smiled slightly and squeezed back. Hand in hand we walked into the dining room where the table was set for the four of us. Sonny's mum and dad were hugging tightly and their eyes were teary, but when they saw us walking in they faked a smile. We decided to sit down, and even though Sonny's parent tried to start some small talk, we all felt the tension surrounding us and holding us captive.

Sonny was still holding my hand, and I was wondering whether he was aware that he was holding it very tight. I tried to wiggle my fingers a little bit but his grip remained strong, so I gave up. "Sonny, Will", Sonny's father suddenly dropped the fake smile and looked both of us straight in the eye. His hand reached and found his wife's hand, and when they looked at each other she gave him a smile that said: "we can do this". "Dad?", I heard Sonny say, still holding my hand in a deadly grip. His father coughed and the fingers of his free hand were drawing invisible patterns on the table. "I.. euh.. there is something we need to tell you". He did not look at us, his eyes were locked on the bowl with a beautifully dressed, but untouched salad. Sonny and I, on the other hand, had our eyes fixed on his face, trying to figure out what he was trying to tell us. "Dad", that was Sonny again and this time his voice could no longer hide his worry. I reached over with my free hand so I could use both my hands to hold Sonny's. His father took a deep breath and said softly: "this is a bit hard to tell you guys... I am afraid it is not good news." His eyes left the salad bowl and he was looking at the both of us. "I went to the hospital today to get some test results." "What do you need testing for", Sonny asked before his father could continue. His father seemed to ignore the question and just continued: "they found a mass on my liver". I was still looking at his face and saw tears in his eyes, I saw how he swallowed them away and took a deep breath. I looked at Sonny's mum and she was crying without making a sound, but the tears were streaming from her eyes. We were just sitting there, hand in hand, not knowing what just happened, and not knowing what to say. I looked at Sonny, who was now staring into the salad bowl, confusion written on his face. I took a deep breath and said: "So, uh... what does that mean, can they...?". I stopped right there, realising that the answer to that question could take away all hope. I looked at Sonny again, but he was still focussed on the salad. His father shuffled on his chair and said softly: "Sonny... Sonny... look at me." "Son?" I whispered when he did not respond, and he suddenly looked up: "Yeah, I, I am listening, so what does that mean, I mean they must be able to fix it right?" My thumb was stroking his hand in an unsuccessful attempt to calm him down. His father took another deep breath and for some reason I knew that it was not going to be good news: "They can't fix it Sonny, it is a primary liver tumour and it is already in an advanced stage". "So, what does that mean..." Sonny asked again, looking from his father to his mother, afraid to hear the answer to his question. "The doctor thinks I have a few months..."

And now we are back home, in our own apartment. It is quiet as Gabi and Ari are spending the night with Rafe. We have been quiet on our way home, Sonny has not said much since his father spoke those devastating words. He hasn't cried either, he is just quiet and it feels as though he has a wall around him and I cannot reach him. I don't know what to do, or what to say, how to ease his pain or how to ease my own pain. I have always liked Sonny's father. He has always been supportive of Sonny and me, and the idea that he is not going to be around breaks my heart. I am leaning on the kitchen counter and look at Sonny who is sitting on our sofa. If my heart is breaking, his heart must be completely shattered, he loves his dad so much. His elbows are resting on his knees and his head and shoulders are hanging down. My heart goes out to him and all I want to do is hold him close, tell him that it is all going to be alright, but I don't move and just stand there looking at the man I love with all my heart. I cannot say anything like that because it does not make sense. I do want to hold him close though, but the wall he build around himself has not crumbled yet and I know he won't allow me to hold him now. He stands up: "I am going to take a shower". Without looking at me he walks towards the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

I decide to make some coffee as I know Sonny likes it. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge for myself and sit down at our kitchen table. I listen to the water of the shower falling down and feel tears welling up in my eyes. I swallow, and I swallow again. I blink, and I blink again. I let out a shaky breath and take a sip of my water. I must try to be strong now, Sonny needs me and he deserves to lean on me now. Usually it is the other way around. He is usually my rock no matter what has come our way. And I know he likes being my strength, he likes it when I lean on him and need him. But now it is different, now he needs to lean on someone and I am going to take care of him. The water stopped running and five minutes later Sonny walks back into our living room wearing his sweats and a loose t-shirt. He avoids my eyes and sits down on the sofa again. He reaches for the remote control but before he can turn the TV on I sit down next to him: "Sonny". I reach for his hand but he moves away. I try again: "Sonny". He shakes his head: "don't do this Will". "Do what", I ask. "This, being sweet", he stands up and walks towards the kitchen. I follow him and stand behind him while he refuses to turn around and face me. He takes a deep breath, and leans forward on the kitchen counter. The wall he build around himself is still there, but I can feel it starting to crumble. His right hand goes through his hair and his left hand squeezes the counter. "Turn around Sonny", I reach out and touch his shoulder. He does what I asked him, but avoids my eyes, fixing his eyes on my chest. "Hey", I say softly while I lay my hand on his cheek trying to turn his face so he will look at me. "Will...", I have never heard his voice like this. It is trembling slightly and all the confidence that is normally in it is gone. Even though I turned his face, he is still not looking at me. Both my hands are now cupping his face and my thumbs are stroking his cheek. "Sonny, honey, I don't know what to say... You must feel... I don't know what you must feel... baby, I am so so sorry... I wish I could take it all away, make your father better... Sonny". I am whispering softly, stroking his cheeks, hoping he will look at me. The wall he build is nearly gone, there are just a few stones left and I know that once those are gone and he will finally let me, I am ready to take care of him. "Sonny, I love you... let me take care of you...", I whisper the words hoping they will take down the last stones. He raises his eyes, and it seems as though he needs all his strength to do that. And suddenly we look into each other's eyes, the wall is gone.

I have never seen his eyes like this. They're so dark, empty, sad, and that little light that is always sparkling and shining is gone. "Will", he whispers my name and his hands reach for and hold on to my hips. I just stand there, stroking his cheeks, looking into his eyes, hoping that I will be strong enough to be his rock. His eyes are welling up, I see how tears are formed slowly and how they find their way down. My Sonny, my strong Sonny is crying. My heart hurts and I pull him into my arms. His arms slide around my waist and we hold each other as close as we can. I suddenly realize I am crying as well and I turn my head slightly so I can lean my head into the crook of his neck. My right hand goes through his hair out of habit, making a mess of it in an attempt to ease his pain. He is trembling now, all the emotions seem to come out. His body is leaning into mine completely and I make sure I stand steady enough to hold both of us up. We just stand there in front of the kitchen holding each other for what seems like hours.

"Sonny", I whisper softly into his ear:"we should go to bed". I feel him nod and I walk the both of us towards the bedroom. I sit him down on our bed and help him take his shirt off. I help him to lie down and pull the covers over his shoulders. I kiss his cheek and promise I'll be back soon. I lock the door, shut the light, close our bedroom door and take off my shirt and jeans before I crawl into bed next to my boyfriend. I spoon him, put my chin in the crook of his neck, my arm around his waist and my leg over his legs. He leans into my chest and lays his arm over mine. We just lay there awake in the dark trying to process everything we had been through that day. "How can it be that there is nothing they can do...", Sonny asks quietly into the dark. I don't know what to say and just agree with him: "I know". "I mean, they can do so much these days, why can't they do something", his voice is small and still unsteady. "I am sorry", I wish I could give him an answer, one that would actually take away all his pain, but I don't have it. "I love my dad so much", Sonny is crying again and I decide to just hold him close. And he lets me hold him, he lets me whisper sweet nothings in his ear and he lets me kiss his shoulder. When he is a bit calmer he turns around in my arms and puts his head on my chest. I hold him, stroke his hair and wait until he has fallen into a light sleep.

When I wake up the next morning I immediately feel that Sonny is not in the bed. "Sonny", I call out for him while I walk into the living room. He turns around from the kitchen counter, holding two cups of coffee in his hands. "I made coffee", he hands one of them to me and we sit down at the kitchen table. I reach for his hand and he intertwines out fingers. "I love you", he looks at me and I can see that he means it. "I love you", I smile while I say it and squeeze his hand. "Thank you for taking care of me last night". I just nod and take a sip of my coffee. "I am scared of what is coming", I can see the insecurity in his eyes, as well as the unasked question: I need your help to get through this. I stand up and pull him up as well. I place both our coffee cups on the table and hold his head between my strong hands. His arms pull me in close and our lips meet in a soft sweet kiss that lingers for a while. "Sonny, I will take care of you... I love you so much". And that is when I see it, the sparkle... It is very tiny and not nearly as bright as it used to be, but it is back. I look into his eyes and suddenly I am very sure that together we can make it through this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Will's POV**

Two days have passed since our dinner at the mansion. I sometimes feel I am moving in slow motion while the world is running past me. I do the things people are supposed to do, I cook dinner, do grocery shopping, take showers, but everything seems pointless and useless. The only good thing in all of this is that Sonny and I are growing closer every day. Since that first night where Sonny cried in my arms, he seems to find it easier to be vulnerable around me, and I am just thankful I can be there for him. I walk to the coffee shop and through the window I can see Sonny is behind the counter. A few lights are on, but most of them are already turned off since the coffee house is now closed for costumers. The door is still unlocked though, so I can just walk in.

"Hi"

"Hi... almost finished?"

"Yep, I'll just put this in the safe."

He touches my arm slightly when he walks past and I lean against the counter waiting for him to be ready to leave. He quickly comes back, puts on his jacket and switches of all lights. He closes and locks the door behind us before he grabs my hand.

"Let's walk home..."

"But my car is here."

"I know, but the weather is nice, and I could use a walk."

I squeeze his hand and pull him a little closer. If I am honest I could use a walk too, so I guess I will just pick up my car tomorrow. We walk home slowly, enjoying the silence of the dark night.

"My mom called me today and asked if we could join her and dad for lunch tomorrow."

"OK."

"She said there was some progress or news, or whatever, but they'll tell us tomorrow."

"News? As in good news?"

"She said not to get our hopes up, but dad went to another doctor for a second opinion, so..."

"OK, let's just wait and see then."

I suddenly realise my thumb has been drawing invisible patterns on his hand. When I stop my drawing he looks at me softly:

"I like it when you do that..."

I smile and continue the patterns on his hand. I hear him let out a deep breath and I see him look up at the sky. I decide not to ask him what he is thinking about and instead I just wait for him to speak, or for him to just be quiet.

"Will?"

I am glad he choose the speak:

"Yeah?"

"I'm a bit nervous for lunch tomorrow. I just... I am a bit scared that when I see my dad, I just... you know, gonna lose it...cry or something"

"I'm sure they'll understand Sonny."

"I guess..."

I stop walking and pull his hand in a way that makes him step in front of me. His beautiful face shows how sad he is right now and I just pull him in to a hug. We lean into each other and I whisper softly:

"I'll take care of you remember?"

"Thank you."

"Don't say that... I do it because I love you, I don't want you to thank me."

He doesn't answer me but instead pulls me even closer into his arms, squeezing my waist as if he will never let me go. And I just smile, hoping he never will.

(...)

We both take a deep breath while looking at the front door of the mansion. We are still sitting in Sonny's car and I think we both need to find a little bit more strength before we go inside. He reaches to the back seat to get the flowers we bought for his mother.

"Let's go."

We get out of the car and before we reach the front door it is swinging open and his mother is standing in front of us. She is flashing a smile which shows her strength but also shows the sadness she is trying to hide from us. Sonny gives her a hug and a kiss on her cheek, and before I know it I do the same. She smiles at me:

"Thanks for coming boys."

Sonny just hands her the flowers and she visibly appreciates the gesture.

"Hi guys."

We both turn around to look at Sonny's dad. He is standing in the door opening towards the living room and I can't help thinking that he looks just the same as always. I see my boyfriend walk up to him to give him a hug, and I am glad to see he is not losing it, like he thought he might yesterday. I walk over and shake Justin's hand, and he smiles at me:

"Good to see you Will."

We walk over to the table which is set for lunch. Sonny's parents on one side and Sonny and me on the other side. Out of habit my hand reaches out and finds his hand which pulls mine onto his leg. For some reason we all do our best to keep talking about 'safe' things like the weather and business, but we all know at some point we have to address the topic we are all trying so desperately to avoid. Justin is the person who decides to get to the point:

"So, boys, we would like to tell you about the second opinion."

I feel how Sonny shifts in his chair, pulling my hand up a little bit so he can hold it with both his hands. I use my thumb, which is still relatively free to move, to draw some more patterns on his hands, knowing that he likes the feeling of it.

"We euh, we saw a very nice doctor, who agreed with the diagnosis of primary liver cancer."

I look at my boyfriend and see how he is biting his lip. His eyes are slightly wet and I can feel how he is struggling to keep it together. His father must have seen it as well cause he softly asks:

"Sonny."

I pull my right hand out of Sonny's grip, pull my chair right next to his and put my arm around his shoulders. He leans into me and takes a deep breath. His hands are still squeezing my left hand and I feel how his shoulders lean in towards me.

"OK, so what else did he say?"

"He euh, he suggested something..."

"What dad, just say it."

"He is doing some experimental treatment by doing liver transplants. It is euh... from a living donor. Apparently people can re-grow their liver after a piece has been taking from it. So they can then use the piece of liver they have taken out to replace mine."

It is quiet for a while after those words. I just stroke Sonny's shoulder and try to let the information sink in. I look at Sonny's father:

"That sounds like it is worth a try..."

"Yeah, it does... it is risky though... and we have to find a donor... and even then we still don't know if it is going to work... and then there is a lot of risk for the donor of course."

Suddenly I feel how Sonny turns towards me. His arms around my shoulders, hiding his face in my neck. He is trying to smother his sobs and all I can do is rub his back and hold him tight.

"I'm sorry."

"It's OK honey, just... it's OK"

"Will is right Sonny, It's fine, we understand."

His mother has tears in her eyes seeing her son like this. Justin has his arm around her and I can see the emotions written on his face. I feel Sonny calm down in my arms and after a while he sits up and smiles sadly:

"Sorry, I just... I love you dad."

"I love you son, more than you know."

For a moment I think Sonny is going to cry again, but he takes a deep breath and asks:

"So this treatment, are you gonna try it?"

"I'm afraid it is not that simple. If I would go ahead we would have to move fast because if the tumour would grow then a liver transplant would no longer be possible. So that means we have to find a donor soon..."

"So let's make a plan, dad. You have to give it a try."

Justin nods and I see how he looks at Adrienne. She takes his hand between hers and clears her throat before she starts to speak:

"Son, honey, the doctor said that the chances for finding a donor that soon are very small. However he said that in previous successful cases is was usually a family member who donated part of the liver..."

I feel myself bracing in my chair. I realise where this is going and I don't like it. I feel my arm tighten around Sonny's shoulder and everything inside me wants to stop whatever is going to happen. But I know I can't, and I know I cannot be selfish now, but I feel my heart break a little when I hear Sonny's voice:

"I'll be happy to dad... if that means you have another chance I'll do it..."

"Sonny, you cannot make that decision here and now, you have to think about the risks, and then we have to see whether you are a match... don't rush into this Sonny.

"But you said we had to be quick. And risks dad... it's not just risks. It's risks versus benefits and no risk is great enough to stop me from trying to help you. I love you dad, I want you around, I want to share things with you... you know..."

His voice is breaking and I hear the sound of tears in his throat:

"I want you on my 30th birthday, I want you around when I open another coffee shop, I want you on our wedding dad..."

I bow my head and swallow as hard as I can. Tears are in my eyes when I look up and I am suddenly ashamed of the thoughts I had before about not wanting Sonny to be the donor. His hand is cupping my face:

"Will, honey..."

I look into his eyes and see the unasked question he is laying in front of me. I nod slightly and turn towards Sonny's parents:

"He is right... I mean... I just... Justin I never said how important you are to me... so I agree with Sonny. You should be around to celebrate everything, especially our wedding..."

I squeeze Sonny's hand and feel his grip tighten. I look down when I continue:

"But I am scared Son, I love you and this is not without risk. I mean... I understand you want to do it, but I am just a bit scared. I'm sorry."

"I understand Will, and I am scared too."

Sonny's mother looks at me and smiles the same smile as when we came in, mixing strength and sadness. I realise suddenly how this must be for her, her husband and her son might have to go through so much and she also has to stand on the side line, hoping for everything to be alright in the end. I smile at her reflecting her emotions, feeling a deep connection with her knowing we are in the same position.

"I'll go to the hospital tomorrow and get all the tests they need."

Sonny's voice is clear and determined and I just nod. Justin stand up, walks around the table and gestures for Sonny to stand up and give him a hug. When they let go Justin looks at me and just opens his arms. I stand up and hug him back, excepting the thank you's he is whispering in my ear. When we sit back down we all take a deep breath and look at the food spread across the table. Even though we're not hungry we all try to eat something, mainly to please the others. After lunch we say our goodbye's and Sonny agrees to call his parents after the hospital visit tomorrow. We walk to his car and drive home in silence, both trying to make sense of everything that is happening right now. And even though I am scared and sad, for some reason I keep hearing the same thing over and over in my head: 'I want you on our wedding dad'.

(...)

The afternoon we spent apart mostly because we had to run some errands, do some house work and I had to do some studying. For dinner Sonny got some take out from the pub, but we were not really hungry, so we put most of it in the fridge. Now it is just quiet; I am reading a book and Sonny is watching TV. Suddenly I feel his eyes on me:

"Why are you staring at me."

"You're amazing."

"Yeah right."

I feel myself blush and I try to avoid his eyes. He stands up and pulls me up from the couch.

"I mean it, you're amazing."

"I'm selfish though... I didn't want you to do it at first..."

I am still not looking into his eyes, feeling ashamed of my original thoughts when we realised what his parents were saying.

"Will... Will look at me."

I lift my eyes up and look into his beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

"You are not selfish, you are far from selfish. You're just human and you're scared. I'm scared too baby, but if I can give my father a chance, I want to do that."

"I know, and I want you to that too... just promise me you'll be alright..."

"Will, I..."

"Let's just promise each other right know that you and your dad are going to be fine and that he is going to speech on our wedding... please Sonny, I need something to keep believing..."

I feel overwhelmed by the love I see when I look into his eyes. His voice is shaking a little bit when he says softly:

"I promise Will, I promise you a wedding."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the support, your reviews keep me going. Let me know what you think of this one!**

**Will POV **

Two days ago Sonny went to the hospital to get tested to see if he is a suitable candidate to donate part of his liver to his father. This afternoon he went back to the hospital with his parents to hear if he is a candidate. I wish I was able to join them, but we decided I should go to university to make my biology exam. I had difficulty concentrating and I am not sure whether I passed, but to be really honest I don't really care anyway. It is already six o'clock and I am getting a bit impatient. To keep myself busy I have cleaned the bathroom, done some laundry, and since Sonny is still not home I decide to start dinner. I look in the fridge and find the leftovers from yesterday, and because I am pretty sure we won't eat much anyway I forget about cooking and instead put the leftovers in the oven. I hear my phone and jump up hoping it is Sonny:

"Hello."

"Will, it's Adrienne."

"Oh, hi, euh..."

"Will, Sonny is on his way home and we are a bit worried about him."

"OK, why...?"

"We euh... he is not a suitable donor and he... he was expecting a lot from this, you know."

"I know, I am so sorry Adrienne."

"Thank you Will, I just... can you please look after Sonny for us?"

"Of course."

We hang up and I stare my phone. Even though I was scared for Sonny to go through such a risky operation, I was really hoping it would help Justin. And ever since we were aware of this possibility Sonny had been so positive, and so sure that it was all going to work out. He must be devastated now because this limits Justin's chances significantly. I hear the sound of key's on the other side of the door and soon after Sonny walks in, throwing his keys on the desk. As soon as he sees me I see all his strength leave him and I jump up. He leans into me and I just rub circles on his back:

"Your mum told me."

He doesn't cry, yesterday he told me he cried so much there must be no more tears left. All the positivity of the past days seem to have changed into pure hopelessness. His eyes are empty and he seems numb when I let him go slightly to look at him. He is still wearing his coat and I help him to take it off.

"I really thought it was going to work."

His voice is dark and flat and he still does not move. I don't really know what to do. He seems frozen, numb, as if he is never going to move again.

"Go take a shower, honey."

He doesn't answer and still doesn't move.

"You always take a shower when you have to think..."

Suddenly something changes, his limb body seems to come alive and his empty eyes seem to burn when they look straight into mine.

"THINK WILL? ARE YOU SAYING I HAVE TO THINK?"

He scares me. I have never heard him shout like this and I thought I had seen all his facial expressions, but I have never seen the mix of emotions he is showing now. Pain, anger, hurt, devastation, fear, it all seems to be written on his face, making his eyes almost black and his lips, normally relaxed and smiling, are tensed against his teeth.

"AND WHAT AM I TO THINK ABOUT IN YOUR OPINION? I DON'T WANT TO THINK WILL, I REALLY REALLY WANT TO STOP THINKING. BECAUSE DO YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT?

I am not sure if he wants me to answer him and I decide not to say anything. I do look straight into his eyes trying to understand whatever is going through his mind right now.

"I THINK ABOUT HOW MY FATHER IS GOING TO DIE. HOW THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO STOP IT. THAT'S WHAT I THINK ABOUT... ALL THE TIME, WILL. AND I WANT IT TO STOP, please make it stop."

He's not shouting anymore, the fire in his eyes disappeared just as quickly as it came and he looks at me hurt and sad:

"Please make it stop..."

I am still not sure what to do. The changes in Sonny show me how hurt he is, and how scared. But I don't know how to help him. If I could I would take it all away. If it would help him I would go to hell and back, but nothing can help him, or his father for that matter. His big brown eyes look at me and my heart breaks when I see how much he needs me. I walk over to him and hold him close, while his arms lock around my waist.

"Make it stop.."

He whispers it over and over again and I have never felt so useless in my life.

"Common."

I decide to follow my first idea and walk the both of us towards the shower. I know it is the one thing he does when he is sad, or angry, or upset. He once told me the sound of falling water around him, and the heat in the cabin make him calm and clear his head. I pull the toilet lid down and sit him down on top of it. Slowly I undress him and he doesn't resist when i take off his clothes. He seems to turn back to the numb person he was before. When I have to help him up to get his trousers and boxers down I realize he is leaning on me completely. I sit him down again and quickly get rid of all my clothes. I get the water running and wait for it to be a nice temperature. I lift him up again and gently push him under the running water. His back is against my chest and my arms are strong around his waist to hold him up. His eyes close and he lets out a deep breath before he lets his head fall backwards on my shoulder. We just stand there, unaware of time, letting the warm water flow over our bodies. And although he still leans on me I feel his strength return slowly. He lifts his head up from my shoulder, turns around in my arms and immediately put his arms around my shoulders to hold me close.

"Thank you."

I just nod, thankful that I did the right thing and was actually able to help him. He turns of the water and I open the door of the cabin. A burnt smell finds its way into my nose and I wonder where that is coming from.

"Oh no."

I pull a towel from the hook and run towards the kitchen, trying to fasten the towel around my waist. I turn of the oven and look at the burned remains of our dinner. He followed me into the kitchen, also wearing nothing but a towel, and despite everything he went through today he can't help but smile:

"That's what you want to feed me tonight?"

"I'm sorry... this was not supposed to happen."

He puts his arms around my waist and kisses me on my cheek.

"I'm not that hungry, I'll just bake us some eggs..."

My phone rings, and while Sonny gets started on our eggs I answer my phone:

"Hello."

"Hi Will, it's Adrienne again... I was just wondering how Sonny is."

I look over at my boyfriend making us some sort of dinner and I say softly:

"He'll be OK..."

"Thank you Will, thank you so much."

When I hang up Sonny turns to me:

"Who was that."

"Your mum..."

He raises his eyebrows , wordlessly asking me why she rang. I decide to be honest:

"She was worried about you so she wanted to know how you are."

"What did you say..."

"That you'll be OK."

He nods slightly, puts the pan down he was holding in his hands, and walks over to me. His hands cup my face as if it was the most delicate thing he has ever held. His eyes are the normal chocolate brown colour again and his lips look soft and relaxed.

"I'll be OK... thanks to you."

I feel how he leans into me and answer his soft and tender kiss, hoping that it will make him feel just as loved as it does to me.

(...)

I've been awake all night. Sonny was restless and talking in his sleep, but that was not really the reason why I couldn't sleep. I've done some long and serious thinking and every minute I became more determined. Sonny just left for the coffee house and he won't be back until seven tonight. I grab my keys, get into my car and drive to the hospital where Justin went for his second opinion. I follow the signs and stop in front of a desk where a middle aged lady is handing out blood forms. She smiles at me:

"How can I help you young man..."

"Euh..."

I am not sure where to start. Or how to ask this question... I'm pretty sure she won't get this question very often.

"I euh... I think I have a strange question."

"OK, well lets hears it."

"My boyfriend's father needs a partial liver transplant and I would like to find out if I am a match."

"Right... I see."

She looks at me and seems to think about what to do with my question.

"Who is his doctor..."

"I'm not sure... he's is a specialist in these treatments..."

"OK, why don't you take a seat and I'll try to sort this for you."

About fifteen minutes later a doctor comes my way, his stethoscope hanging around his neck. I stand up to shake his hand and he points me to an empty room near the waiting area. I walk in and sit down in one of the chairs. He sits down opposite me and smiles:

"The secretary filled me in on your question. Are you talking about Justin Kiriakis?"

I nod, and look the doctor straight in his eyes.

"Why would you want to do this... he is not your family, or is he?"

I think a bit on how to say this, then I take a breath:

"He is my boyfriend's father... sort of like a future father in law, you know... and Sonny, my boyfriend, he is so sad... he is not a match so he can't do it... but he loves his father and I just want to make him happy, you know. And Justin is great, he means a lot to me... and Sonny, Sonny is my everything..."

I whisper the last words, but still look the doctor in his eyes. He nods again:

"I see...did you think about the risks that come with the operation?"

"Yeah, I know it is dangerous and I could die...I know the risks."

He just looks at me and finally stands up and walks away to come back quickly with a blood form:

"Let's take some blood..."

(...)

I come home late. I decided to study at the library and despite everything I was able to concentrate for a couple of hours. When I walk in to our apartment I smell chicken wings, my favourite. Sonny looks all comfortable in his sweats and flashes me a blinding smile. Before I can say something he starts:

"I made your favourite..."

"Thanks... it smells great."

I kiss him firmly on his lips and feel how he enthusiastically returns the kiss.

"You seem... happy?"

I'm not sure if I should have said that, but he seems brighter that the days before.

"Well, I'm still sad... but tonight I just want to be home with you and not think about everything outside this apartment. Just us tonight, OK?"

"OK."

I walk into our bedroom and change into my sweats. When I walk back Sonny places two plates on the table and he gestures for me to sit down. When we sit down we are not sure what to say and what not to say. He decides to take the lead, reaches for my hand and asks sweetly:

"How was your day."

"Fine.. some studying."

I decide not to tell him of my visit to the hospital. I don't want him to get his hopes up again and then find out that I am not a match either. We both feel relaxed and enjoy each other's company while we have our dinner. Afterwards we cuddle up on the couch, and Sonny flicks through the channels to find something to watch. His hand absentmindedly strokes my hand, my arm, my shoulder, and my chest. I just let him be because I really enjoy his touch. I realise we haven't made love for over a week, and even though the circumstances are understandable, I do miss my boyfriend. He shifts a bit and pulls me on his chest so both his hands can just room my upper body. His fingers creep under the sleeves of my shirt and just too late I realise that the cotton wool is still stuck on my arm as a reminder from my hospital visit.

"Hey, what's this..."

He pulls my sleeve up and looks at the white fluffy thing on my arm.

"Oh it's nothing..."

I'm lying and he knows it. He pushes me up so we can face each other.

"What is that..."

I look down at my arm and take a deep breath before I look back into his eyes:

"Promise me not to get your hopes up."

"What..."

"Promise me Sonny."

"OK, I won't get my hopes up."

"I went to the hospital today."

In his eyes I can see that he already knows what I did. He just sits there and stares at me. I am not sure what to make of the emotions I see in his eyes.

"Sonny.."

"Why didn't you tell me Will."

He stands up and walks around our living room. I don't really understand his reaction which seems to be annoyed. I thought he would thank me, be happy and think that everything would work out. Clearly I was wrong...

"You didn't even discuss this with me Will, we are supposed to be partners."

"Sonny, I..."

"No Will, you just go off and sign up for a surgery that can kill you? I might already lose my father, Will."

His brown eyes seem too big for his beautiful face when he turns to me:

"I cannot lose you too... I just cannot..."

I stand up as well and try to explain my reasons for doing what I did to the man I love with all my heart:

"I wanted to help you Sonny, you and your father. Don't you see? I love your father and I really want to help him. But more than that honey, I love you, and I want to make you happy. I will move mountains if I have to. I will give part of my liver to your father if that will make you happy. I did this because I love you more than anything, Sonny. More than anything!"

He just stands there, tears in his eyes, biting his bottom lip.

"You would do that?"

He whispers the question, which is in great contrast with my answer:

"YES SONNY, I WOULD DO THAT. I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU."

I realise this time I am the one who is losing the control over my emotions. I feel like I am boiling over with the love I feel for him and the urgent need to make sure he knows how much I love him.

We walk towards each other and hold on to each other like never before. We need to be close, as close as possible. We make love with a tenderness and a desperate need for each other we have never felt or expressed before, as if we both want to make sure that the other knows how real and how deep our feelings are. Right now the world may be this dark and uncertain place full of emotions, hospitals, and sick people. But inside this apartment, in our bed, all these things are pushed away and the only thing that is left is us.

(..)

Today is Sonny's day off and we sleep in until 10.30. We could have slept longer but Sonny's phone is ringing and we both jump up from the loud noise next to our heads.

"Hello."

I smile because of his wake up voice and look at his face while he speaks on the phone.

"I see..."

"I understand..."

"No, that would be fine..."

"Thanks for calling."

I raise my eyebrows to let him know I want to know who he was speaking to and what it was about. I notice he seems slightly confused and I sit up so I can look into his eyes.

"That was the hospital, about my tests."

"Your tests, but they already gave you the results."

"They made a mistake, something with mixing up some patient numbers and the blood they took. I don't know exactly, but they seem to think my blood was labelled with the name and number of the person who came before me, and his blood was labelled with my name."

"So, what does this mean?"

"They say that I have to come back and they'll do it again, but they also said that the blood that was labelled with someone else's name, but they think was mine instead, that blood was a match... it was a match Will"

"What?..."

"But they just want to do it again to make sure..."

"OK, let's go then."

We both jump out of bed, get dressed quickly and I drive both of us to the hospital. Sonny goes in to have some blood taken and is told that both our results will be back later today. The day seems to be endless and we check our phones every five minutes. Nothing we do seems to help the time speed up and eventually we just sit on the couch looking at afternoon television that neither of us is really listening to. Suddenly my phone rings:

"Hello."

"Yes, I am Will Horton."

"OK, thank you."

"Thank you, bye."

Sonny looks at me and I see the tension in his face. I shake my head:

"Sorry, I'm not a match."

"Don't apologize honey... the fact that you did that for me and for my father, I will never forget that. I love you."

"I love you too Son, let hope for good news now."

Sonny's phone rings and he picks up with his left hand while squeezing my hand with his right one:

"Hello, Sonny speaking."

"Yes that is me."

"Really, oh thank you, thank you, thank you."

He hangs up and his smile is brighter than ever. Our eyes meet and he finally speaks the words that make me happy for his father's sake but also puts a heavy stone on my heart:

"I'm a match."


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you all so much for the support. The reviews are so sweet and give me inspiration to continue this story. Again, let me know what you think!

**Will's POV**

As happy as Sonny is that he can help his dad, that's how heavy the stone of fear is weighing on my heart. Today Sonny went back to the hospital to do additional tests, and if all is going well they will set a date for the transplantation. I am tired from all the emotions raging through me like a roller coaster. One moment I am happy for Justin, the next moment I am sure everything is going to end in a disaster. Last night I had a dream about the surgery and my dream did not have a happy ending. I was happy Sonny had already left for the hospital because I woke up panting and sweating, and my heart was pounding in my chest. For the umpteenth time I take a deep breath, trying to get rid of the feeling like I cannot breath. I decide to go out, go somewhere, try to empty my head. I don't want Sonny to know I am a bit of a mess, I just want to support him all the way through without him having to worry about me. I get into my car and start driving with no particular destination in mind. After driving for about an hour I park my car and look at the house in front of me. Even though I did not plan to come here, I am not surprised I do end up here. I get out of the car and walk to the front door. After a while it swings open and my sweet grandmother welcomes me inside with open arms. She just holds me close and whispers in my ear:

"I heard it in town..."

I wonder what she heard exactly, whether she knows everything or just that Justin has a liver tumour.

"They said there was nothing they could do anymore."

There is my answer and I break our hug:

"There is more to it grandma, can we... can we talk?"

"Of course honey, always."

We walk into the living room and sit close on the sofa. I remember all the times we have been here before. So many times where I was a mess for so many reasons, for having a broken home, for growing up, but most of all for accepting myself. The room feels safe and as always I feel myself calm down in my grandmothers presence.

"So, what else is there, honey?"

"Euh... Justin went to another doctor for a second opinion... and that doctor suggested a partial liver transplantation."

"OK, that sounds like there is still hope..."

"Yeah..."

I am not sure how to continue. The stone on my heart feels more present that ever and I feel my throat tighten with the tears that seem to be ready to flow. My grandmother must sense my emotions and she put her arms around me and pulls my head to hear shoulder.

"Take your time sweety."

"It's just... the transplant liver is from a living donor..."

I stop again and just lean on my grandmother's shoulder to find a bit more strength to continue, and eventually I do:

"Sonny's is giving part of his liver to his dad."

I am crying now, but it's a soundless cry where the tears just stream over my face without stopping.

"I'm so afraid to lose him, you know. The operation is risky and I just cannot lose him... I love him so much. What if it goes wrong?"

"Oh honey..."

She just holds me and I just let it all out, my fears, my worries, and my deepest feelings. She strokes my arm and my shoulders trying to calm me down. When I finally do, and the tears stop running down, she pulls my head up so we can look at each other.

"Does Sonny know how you feel... that your scared?"

"I haven't told him really, I want to be strong so he can lean on me... You know, a few days ago he was so sad when he came home. I had to undress him, hold him under the shower because he just couldn't do anything, he was completely numb. And he suddenly started shouting... I just... I just don't want him to have to worry about me when I should take care of him."

"I love you honey, you are so sweet and caring... but this is wrong sweety. He is showing you how he feels, so he deserves to know how you feel. And I don't think you are asking him to not do it, I think you just want him to be OK because you love him. He should know that honey, he should know how much you love him...it will give him strength."

"You think?"

"Hmmm."

I put my head back on her shoulder and just enjoy the familiar safe feeling, knowing she knows me inside out and loves me for everything I am.

"Thanks grandma."

"You're welcome honey... and just for the record... I think you have found yourself a wonderful young man to walk through life with. What he is doing for Justin... I admire that."

I take a deep breath:

"Yeah, he's amazing."

(...)

When I park my car in front of our apartment building I see Sonny's car a few spots away. I go upstairs and open the door into our living room. I hear the shower running and see that dinner is ready. I set the table for the both of us and wait for my boyfriend to join me. I feel am bit nervous, but I am determined to follow my grandmother's advice and tell Sonny of my fears. She is right, he deserves to know.

"Hi babe."

He is walking out of the bathroom, wearing just his sweats. His hair is still dripping wet and the drops fall on his naked shoulders. He is so beautiful...

"Hi."

I suddenly stand up and pull him into a tight embrace feeling his wet hair in my face, ear and neck. I just hold him like I never want to let him go.

"Are you OK honey?"

His voice is sweet and I hear his concern for me.

"Just... I just have to hold you for a while..."

"OK."

His arms are strong around me and I can feel his heart beat against my chest. His shampoo smells like home, and his breath against my skin makes me shiver slightly. He is not asking why we are standing here like this, he just lets it happen.

"I spoke with Grandma Marlena today..."

He doesn't respond, but I know he is listening and waiting for me to continue.

"She said you deserve to know how I feel, just like you show me how you feel."

His arms squeeze a little tighter around my waist and I feel how our bodies seem to melt together. I feel his lips on my neck, just a soft brush as if he want to encourage me to tell him everything that is in my heart.

"I want to be strong for you and I promise I will support you through this, I promise Sonny..."

"I know."

"It's just that..."

I take a deep breath and decide to go for it:

"When I was younger I never felt I belonged somewhere... I felt homeless and restless... and then I met you... and you were so different... so confident and strong, you know."

His hands are rubbing circles on my back and I am glad he is not pulling back to look into my eyes because I am sure I would have lost it. I close my eyes and continue:

"And then I fell in love with you, completely in love with you and you made me feel secure, safe and like I belong with you... and ever since we are together I feel complete, like I'm whole, finally.

I let my hands stroke his strong, slightly wet naked back and feel his muscles move to draw the calming circles on my back.

"But at the same time I know that these feelings for you can also break me down completely. Sonny... you can make me or break me..."

Despite my determination not to cry I feel a single tear sliding down my face, dripping down on his still wet shoulder. I am not sure if he notices because his hair is also still dripping from his shower. I hope my voice is steady when I continue again:

"I'm so scared Sonny. All I can think about is the risks of the operation, about losing you, about all the horrible things that can happen. I love you, I love you so much and I need you to be OK Sonny. I need you to be alright. Please be alright..."

The last words are almost soundless and I am not sure whether he heard it. I feel how he is trying to pull back so we can look at each other but I hold on tight, not yet ready to look into his eyes.

"Will, look at me."

"Not yet Sonny."

"Will, common look at me."

I let go of the tight grip I have on his body and let him hold my face between his hands. The emotions swimming in his eyes make them dark brown and as always I hold my breath a little while looking straight into them.

"I love you Will, I love you so much. And I am scared too, I read the risks too and I am so scared they might come true. But I have to believe that this can make my father better because I am not ready to lose him yet. But I will be alright honey, I love you so much."

His loves for me shows in the fire in the eyes and I let out a deep breath. I feel his breath only lips and soon after his soft lips are on mine, kissing me soft and tender. When I feel his tongue on my bottom lip I immediately let him in to deepen the kiss. I feel the emotions in him change slightly when his lips become stronger, firmer, as though he wants to brand me as his own. When he lets go he leans his forehead against mine and he smiles when he says:

"Besides, I promised you a wedding..."

(...)

The surgery will take place the day after tomorrow. Both Sonny and his dad will be admitted tomorrow to prepared for surgery. We have decided to go out today, just the two of us. And we have accepted the offer to have dinner tonight at the mansion. I just woke up and look at Sonny who is still asleep. His hair is deliciously messy and I decide I will take every opportunity today to touch it. His face is relaxed and his lips are parted slightly, so I also decide I will kiss those lips as much as I want today. His shoulders and arms are strong and masculine and his chest looks like it was made to be my pillow. I smile and push away and urgent need to lay my head down on my living pillow because I don't want to wake him yet. I look at his stomach, yesterday he showed me the place where the scar will be. He suddenly looked insecure, afraid of my reaction. But I could not care less, and I kissed his insecurity away. I am sure I will love his scar, it will mean Sonny is alive and well, and it shows his beautiful personality so I will love it no matter what. He is waking up and I don't even try to hide that I have been watching him sleep. He smiles when he opens his eyes immediately meeting mine:

"Creep."

I remember my decisions and I roll closer to him and hide my hand in his soft hair, and lean over to kiss him on his lips. I curl into his side and finally use his chest as my pillow. I put my hand exactly on the place where the scar will be and I feel his hand covering mine.

"So what do you want to do today?"

His other hand goes through my short blond hair and I try to focus to give him an answer. I fail terribly and finally give up:

"I don't know."

"That's OK, I have something in mind and I am sure you will love it."

"OK, what is it."

"Let's go swimming in that new tropical paradise they opened a month ago."

"If that means you will be wearing nothing but swim shorts all day than I am definitely all for it."

He laughs and pulls my hair:

"Will, I'll do anything to get you half naked all day."

He reaches for his phone and decides for the both of us that it is time to get up, get dressed and head to the pool. However, despite our best intentions it takes us an hour to get ready, but we both enjoy our playful cuddling while getting dressed and having breakfast. When we finally arrive at the pool it is quite busy. We both get changed and I see his eyes light up when he sees me in my swim shorts. He smiles and for one second I seriously consider dragging him back home, close the door and make love to him all day. But I suddenly realise he is already feeling the temperature of the water in the pool that is used for people who want to swim tracks. We both dive in and swim tracks for about half an hour and then I point Sonny towards the more recreational pools including a large bubble bath. The bubble bath is a large round pool where people can sit around the side. Sonny smiles and walks towards the bubble bath so I follow him into the warm water. Without a second thought I sit down between Sonny's legs and lean my back into his chest. His arms are around me immediately and his chin is on my shoulder. I just lean my head back and lay it on Sonny's shoulder. I pull his arms tighter around my chest and intertwine our hands. We wanted today to be just about today so I decide to just enjoy the feeling of being completely surrounded by the one person I want to spent forever with. No thoughts of tomorrow, or the day after. No thoughts of risks, complications, hospitals and doctors. I close my eyes, and despite all the fear and worries, I allow myself to just be happy in my boyfriends arms.

(...)

Around eleven we come home from our dinner at the mansion. It was emotional, but we also had a good time with Sonny's parents talking about how they met and fell in love. When we left, Adrienne hugged me close whispering in my ear that we will stay strong together while our men will be in surgery. She kissed my cheek the way she does with Sonny and squeezed my hands. I nodded:

"They'll be just fine right?"

She smiled:

"They'll be just fine."

And now we are home and we decide to go to bed because we have to leave early for Sonny's morning admission. I try to find ways to slow down the time, and find myself fighting to stay awake. If am afraid to fall asleep and then wake up having to leave for the hospital already.

"Go to sleep honey."

I hear Sonny whisper to me sleepily. I thought he was already asleep but apparently he is not.

"It's alright, I'm quite happy holding you like this for a while."

He lifts up his head from my chest:

"Stop worrying babe."

"I can't, but it's OK, I'm OK, you need to sleep so you'll be strong and fit for what's coming."

"You need to relax sweety, I cannot sleep when you're all tense and stressed."

"I'm sorry... you want me to sleep on the couch."

He shoots up from where he is lying:

"What?"

"Just so you can sleep properly Sonny."

"Seriously Will..."

He suddenly shifts and lies down again but this time his body is completely on top of me. His hands are in my hair and my hands rest on his lower back. His lips are everywhere, on my eyes, my nose, my lips, my neck.

"Sonny stop..Sonny, we can't do this... Sonny..."

"What Will?"

He sits up, his bottom cradled against my thighs.

"Sonny, its half past eleven, you have to leave early and you have to keep your strength and energy..."

"I'm not sick Will."

"I know that..."

He leans down again, kissing me firmly on my lips:

"I have to go into hospital tomorrow, and I have surgery the day after. My boyfriend is stressed out and I am scared. All I want to do is make love to you now so that when things get rough in a couple of days we can both remember this."

I don't say anything, I am not really able to because his mouth his already on mine again. The way he kisses me makes me dizzy and light headed and his touch makes my body tremble. As always, our love making is tender, sweet and fuelled by deep emotions and feelings burning inside of us. In our afterglow we curl up in each other, resting our foreheads together so we can look in each other's eyes.

"So now I have two things to think about when I need something to keep believing."

He is sleepy and just raises his eyebrows:

"This and..."

I lean forward to touch our noses together and say softly:

"We just had amazing sex and now you're all sleepy so I'll forgive you for letting it slip your mind..."

I suddenly see a smile that shows he knows what I mean:

"The wedding I promised you.."

We both smile and he looks into my eyes one more time before he falls asleep:

"Believe me baby, that never slips my mind..."


	5. Chapter 5

**And another chapter. Hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Thanks for your support and look forward to feedback!**

**Will's POV**

I pace, I cannot stop pacing and continue walking from one side of the room to the other. I have looked at my watch for about a million times in the past ten minutes. I am sitting in the waiting room of the hospital and Sonny's surgery started about half an hour ago. According to the surgeons it will take 6 to 8 hours and I am already stressed out.

"Will, honey, come and sit down."

Adrienne looks at me and I suddenly realize I am not the only one scared to lose a loved one. I sit next to her and she smiles:

"We have to keep ourselves busy... you remember the dinner at the mansion where Justin and I told you and Sonny about how we met?"

I nod, trying to focus on our conversation, resisting the need to look at the clock again and again.

"Why don't you tell me about you and Sonny...I'd love to hear you tell me about you two..."

I see in her eyes that she is as desperate as I am for distraction and I decide to tell her about us. Because she wasn't very supportive of us in the beginning, Sonny and I never really spoke to her about our first steps together. But now Adrienne and I both need something to focus on so I take a deep breath and go back to the first time we met:

"I heard about this new coffee shop in town and one morning I decided to check it out. I remember walking in and going to the counter and Sonny was making some coffee for his costumers so all I saw was his back... and his hair. I think I first noticed his hair..."

I shuffle in my seat and forget to look at the clock again, remembering the very first time Sonny and I saw each other.

"And I just waited for him to turn around so I could order my coffee. So when he did turn around and gave the coffee to whoever was waiting for it, I looked at the board while ordering my coffee. And he then turned around again to make the coffee so again I was looking at his back. But when he handed me the coffee we finally looked each other in the eye..."

Adrienne reaches over and squeezes my hand:

"Was it love at first sight?"

"For me yes, definitely yes. Sonny says is was for him too... so I guess... Anyway, I was so confused I never paid him and just walked out. I was already near University when I realized that, so after my lectures I went back to pay for my morning coffee and we started talking..."

"And you never stopped talking..."

"We had a some amazing dates, and we knew pretty soon that this felt right, you know?"

"I know... so what did you do on your dates?"

"Euh... wall climbing, but that was not very successful... Well that's not entirely true, I'm afraid of heights so... but the date was great. And we had a dinner date where I found out that Sonny is a fussy eater. And we went hiking one day in the woods, and we got lost. Sonny kept saying he knew how to work a compass, but in the end we were as lost as can be. And then it started raining and we had to find shelter in this little hut. Which was not really a problem, to be honest..."

I blush while saying that and wonder why I am sharing all this with my boyfriend's mother. She just smiles:

"Thank you Will for telling me..."

"So, so, what was Sonny like as a kid...?"

Adrienne is still holding my hand and we both seem to calm down while talking about Sonny, so she immediately responds:

"Oh, he was a handful... He was always busy, always having friends over, always full of plans and ideas..."

"So he didn't change a bit then."

We both laugh and Adrienne lets out a deep breath before she agrees:

"Not one bit."

"I always think Sonny and Justin are a bit alike..."

Adrienne looks at me quickly and agrees:

"They are... and they always have been close...a great father-son relationship."

"Adrienne?"

"Yes Will?"

"They are going to be fine, in a couple of weeks we will have dinner again at the mansion and they will be just fine."

"I really hope so Will, I really hope so."

(...)

It's four hours later and family and friends have been calling in and some of them have even visited the hospital. My mum and dad have arrived about an hour ago and I am happy with their support. While Adrienne stayed in the waiting room with some of her close friends, my parents and I left for the cantina. I try to eat something but my stomach is not taking it very well and after a while I give up and push my sandwiches away. My mum looks at me and I see nothing but love and understanding in her eyes:

"He'll be fine honey."

I can't really answer and just put my head on my arms, trying to keep myself together. I feel my mum stroking my back and I take a few deep breaths. For some reason I keep repeating the list of surgery risks in my head. My father moves a bit closer to me and tries to reassure me:

"Common Will, you have to keep believing... the surgeons are very good and Sonny and his dad are in good hands. Just keep believing."

These last words land straight into my heart and I remember the two things Sonny gave me to keep believing. I remember our lovemaking, tender and sweet and full of passion. The way my body reacts when he touches me, and the way he whispers my name in the heat of the moment. I blush when I think about the intimate moments in which we show each other the very bottom of our soul, in which we become one person and where I sometimes don't know where Sonny begins and I end. And I also remember his perfect promise: _I promise you a wedding Will_. I suddenly feel the need to tell my parents about this, I need to talk about Sonny, and about us, and about us having a future:

"Sonny said I have to keep believing, he said we'll get married one day..."

"Oh honey, that's great."

My mum smiles and I see the happiness in her eyes. I just keep on talking, trying to kill the time that seems to have stopped. I never knew that a minute could take this long, so all I try to do is give time a little push by talking about our plans:

"That will be the best day of my live, you know. We'll have a perfect wedding with our family and friends... it will be a real wedding of course because by then it should be legal... and we'll have a wedding cake with two grooms on top of it... it will be perfect..."

My parents smile and nod, and I suddenly realize they seem very proud of me. I remember how hard it was to come out to them, and here we are worrying about my boyfriend, talking about our wedding, and my parents seem proud. I smile shyly:

"Thanks for being here."

"Anytime honey, we will always be there for you... and for Sonny."

(...)

"Good afternoon."

I nearly jump up, but I manage to stay in my seat. One of the surgeons just walked into our waiting room and I feel myself shaking with nerves. My mum grabs my hand and we just sit there waiting for the news.

"I would like to give you an update on Sonny? Sonny Kiriakis?"

We all nod without saying a word but the surgeon just continues:

"We were able to remove a part of his liver and from what we can see so far he is stable. He is now in recovery and will be moved to the intensive care unit for at least one day. If he remains stable we will move him to a nursing ward, where we will start mobilising him as soon as possible. I will monitor his progress of course, but at the moment I can tell you everything has gone well."

I just sit there and stare at the surgeon. I hear what he is saying, but for some reason it doesn't seem to land. The surgeon shakes Adrienne's hand who thanks him for everything, he nods towards me and my parents and promises that we will be collected by a nurse when Sonny is ready for visitors.

"Will honey..."

My mum reaches over to me and squeezes my hand:

"Will, he is OK..."

My eyes lock onto my mothers and I try to find the essence of those three words: he is OK. My heart is pounding in my chest and my hands are sweaty. I see Adrienne crying, and her friends, who are still here, are hugging and smiling. He is OK. He is OK. He is OK. The words become a mantra to me, but I still have not found their meaning yet.

"Will, he is OK, he is stable."

Adrienne walks up to me and pulls me into a tight hug. I hold her close and feel how slowly the weight of the world is lifted from my shoulders.

"He is OK'"

I whisper the words again and again. I can't stop a tear from rolling down my cheek, but I don't care.

"This is going to work Adrienne, Justin is going to be OK, you hear me?"

I suddenly feel the need to reassure Adrienne, now that Sonny is OK I can focus on Justin. We are only half way, the transplantation is now happening and will take several hours as well. I feel Adrienne crying against my chest and I try to imagine her mixed feelings right now, utter joy because Sonny is OK, but still very worried about Justin. She lets go slowly and smiles that smile she has been using since Justin told us about the cancer:

"When they come to pick us up to visit Sonny, you go in first..."

I look at her and am not sure what to say. She looks at me and says softly:

"He loves you so much, I am sure he wants to see you first, so you go in first."

I sit down between my parents and try to imagine myself visiting Sonny. I am not sure whether I have to brace myself for medical devices and scary machines, or whether I will be seeing Sonny like my Sonny. I take a deep breath and shake my head:

"I am not sure what to expect..."

"I am sure the nurse will explain it to you, honey... just relax for a minute, you've been under so much pressure today. Just relax a bit..."

I try to follow my mother's advice, but feel the impatience in my body. I can't wait to see with my own eyes how Sonny is. I want to look into his beautiful chocolate brown eyes and see them light up when they see me. Until then relaxing feels impossible. I think of all the things I want to say to him, I repeat them over and over to make sure I won't forget. We just sit there for hours and hours, worried about Justin, impatient to see Sonny. The time has slowed right down again and nothing we do seems to speed it up. Suddenly I hear a soft voice:

"Good afternoon."

We all look up and look at a nurse who smiles reassuringly:

"I am here to let you know Sonny is ready for a few visitors. I'm afraid it is only one at the time... he is still very drowsy and might be asleep again when we go in to see him. We are obviously giving him pain medication and they make him sleep, and the anaesthetic always takes a while to completely wear off."

I look at Adrienne again and am prepared for her to say she wants to go in first, but she turns to me before she looks at the nurse:

"Will would like to visit him first..."

The nurse looks at me and gestures for me to follow her, so I do. Before I follow her my mum squeezes my hand and gives me a quick hug. And then I am on my way to see him. Only a few moments away and I will see him in a hospital bed. The nurse holds in front of the ICU and uses her card to open the door. I suddenly freeze and just stand there staring into the white clean corridor stretching out before me. She turns around and puts her hand on my arm:

"It might scare you a bit, but I will explain everything when we are at his bedside."

I nod and follow her inside. She walks straight to room number eleven and opens the door for me. I walk inside and right in front of me is the man I cannot live without. His dark hair seems even darker on the white pillow. He is attached to some IV's and wears an oxygen mask. A blood pressure cuff is attached around his arm and on one of his fingers I see a saturation meter. The nurse is now standing next to his bed and points at everything to explain the purpose to me. I am still standing there, near the door, as if I am nailed to the floor. The nurse points at a chair next to Sonny's bed and squeezes my arm before she leaves:

"If there is anything just press the red button and I'll be right here."

And then she is gone. I hear the door close and it is just me and Sonny. I slowly walk to the bed and hold on to the railing while I look down at my boyfriend. His hair stands up and looks messy and he looks tired. He seems to be asleep again and I decide not to disturb him. I sit down on the chair and just stare at him. I have to swallow a few times to get rid of the tears in my throat. I listen to the sound of his breathing and never imagined something like that could be so calming. He stirs a bit and in a reflex I grab his hand between mine. He stays asleep, and for a moment I think about letting go of his hand but I realise I physically cannot do that. I just have to hold his hand, feel the warmth of his skin against mine to reassure me. Even though I swallowed the tears away I suddenly feel overwhelmed with emotions again.

"You're OK."

I whisper it softly and find myself crying with relief. I put my head on his hand and let the tears wet my face. I feel his skin against my cheek and softly kiss the back of his hand. I try to calm myself down by breathing deeply and I close my eyes while my head stays on our joined hands. Suddenly I feel how he is squeezing my hand slightly, his other hand softly strokes through my hair.

"Will."

My head shoots up and I look straight into his chocolate eyes, all soft and sweet.

"Sonny."

While he spoke my name in a whisper, I am almost shouting out his. He smile is weak and I can see he has trouble keeping his eyes open. I stand up and bend over to kiss his cheek:

"Go back to sleep baby, there giving you all these meds. You're OK, so just go back to sleep."

"My dad..."

His voice stays weak and he can only whisper the words.

"I am not sure, when I went to see you he was still in surgery. But I am sure he will be fine Sonny... don't worry, just get well OK?"

He nods slightly and closes his eyes again. I stroke his cheek and squeeze his hand:

"I love you."

He opens his eyes again and smiles. That smile that lights up a room, even though he is weak and drowsy his smile is as radiant as ever:

"Now you're gonna have to..."

"Have to what..."

"Marry me."

He fights to keep his eyes open and locks them onto mine and I feel like I'm drowning. I bend over and kiss his lips softly:

"I love you so much..."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes baby, that's a yes... and Sonny?"

"Hmmm."

"Your father will do his speech."

He smiles and closes his eyes again, almost immediately drifting off to sleep. The nurse walks in and I follow her back to our waiting room. When I walk in my euphoric mood seems to flow away immediately. The atmosphere in the room seems to suck out all the air and I suddenly panic. I look over to my parents trying to read from their faces what happened while I was with Sonny.

"Will honey, come and sit down..."

"What's wrong..."

"A surgeon just gave us an update on Justin... he... they found an additional tumour on his bowel..."

"So... so what does that mean..."

"They are going to try to remove it, but it seems that the cancer is in a more advanced stage than they thought earlier."

I bow my head and try to put all this together: my happiness that Sonny is OK, and my fear for Justin. I feel like suffocating when I think about having to tell Sonny about all this. I suddenly stand up and sit down next to Adrienne:

"You know, he has got to be OK because Sonny and I just decided he is going to speech at our wedding."

Everyone looks at me like I am crazy, and inappropriate, but I don't care. In times like these everyone needs something to hold on to. Today I have held on to the promise that Sonny and I would have a future. I want to give Adrienne something similar, a moment in the future she can think about that will give her the strength to believe:

"I promise you, he is going to speech."

Adrienne looks at me and suddenly reaches over to squeeze my hand:

"Your right, he won't miss that for the world."


	6. Chapter 6

I hope nobody minds my quick updates. It takes only about an hour to an hour and a half to write a chapter, and I guess I am just curious how this story ends. I take it one chapter at the time, and don't look past that. So I have no idea yet how to continue or how it will end. I am open for suggestions, so let me know what you hope for...

**Will's POV**

It's been four days since the surgeries. Sonny is still admitted onto ward 23, and the doctors have told us that he is doing great and will be able to go home one of these days. Since he is recovering from a major abdominal surgery he does need some help with certain things like lifting and bending down, but other than that he is mobilising, and the pain is manageable with pain medication. His incision is healing nicely and there are no signs of internal bleeding. When it comes to Sonny's health I could not be happier. I am on my way to the hospital now, hoping I can take him home later today, and I cannot wait to look after my man at home. But next to all this happiness I am sad because the worries for Justin are as strong as ever. The surgeons have transplanted the liver and so far his body is not rejecting it, which is good news. They also removed the tumour from his bowel, but straight after the surgery they explained that when Justin has recovered from surgery, further tests have to be done to see if the cancer has spread any further. Unfortunately, the cancer is a very aggressive kind, and it could be spreading fast. While I am driving to the hospital my thoughts go back to the moment I had to tell Sonny about his dads progress. Me and Adrienne decided to wait until Sonny was moved from the ICU to a ward, and was physically a bit stronger, before we would share the news with him. So the day after I visited him in ICU I went back to the hospital and found him in his chair on ward 23, flashing his beautiful smile at me. And of course his first question was about his dad:

"Tell me about my dad Will, how is he going?"

I have never been able to hide my feelings from Sonny, so he immediately saw that I did not have good news. His eyes seemed to dim, like a candle has been blown out. His smile was gone and I could read the fear in his eyes, even before I opened my mouth. And when I did, I could see the devastation taking over all emotions:

"Son, it's not all good news, honey."

"What are you saying Will...?"

"Well, the transplantation worked well, and so far his body is taking it well... so that's good."

"But..."

"But they found cancer on his bowel during the surgery. They removed it, but the cancer seems to be spreading really fast and he has to go for more tests to see if it spread anywhere else..."

I was holding his hands now and I could feel the strength and energy leave him. His posture changed and reminded me of that very first night when Justin told us about his cancer. Sonny dropped his shoulders and bend his head, as if the weight of the whole world was just put on his shoulders and he had to carry it around with him. I now know that Sonny can be very positive, as long as there is something he can do, as long as there are options, he will be everybody's strength. He decided to give a part of his liver, because it gave him the power to be positive and give that positivity to everyone he loves. But after the news I just told him, there is nothing he can do but wait and pray. And I suddenly realize that this can break him, not being in control can break the man I love so dearly. I realize that I have no choice, I have to be his positivity, I have to be his strength. And I am more than happy to help him and take care of him, like I promised that very first night. We haven't spoken for a while, but for now we don't need any words. After a while he squeezes my hand slightly and softly says:

"There's nothing I can do Will..."

"I know honey, you did all you could... now we just have to wait and trust the doctors."

"I thought it was all going to be fine..."

"It still might Sonny, don't give up yet... they can do so much these days... don't give up honey..."

"Have you visited him yet?"

"Yes, with your mum. He's very strong Sonny, and he is going to fight. He asked me to tell you he loves you very much."

"Thanks..."

I stand up from my chair opposite of his, and sit down on his bed so we can sit closer. I hold his hands with my left hand and my right arm reaches over to stroke his hair.

"When you are discharged I'll take you to him, baby... Actually, have they said to you when they are going to sent you home?"

"They are waiting for my blood results and if they are normal I can go today."

Despite the good news about his discharge his voice is flat and stripped of all energy. I wish I could give him the world, move mountains and give him the stars from the sky, but instead all I can do is kiss his cheek softly and touch his hair the way I know he likes. A nurse walks up to us and smiles:

"Sonny, you blood results are fine, so the doctor is signing your discharge papers, you are free to go..."

Sonny tries to smile and look happy, but the sadness in his eyes never leaves. I see how she looks at him worried and I smile at her reassuringly:

"I'll look after him."

"Good, he'll be in good hands, I'm sure."

She leaves to get the rest of the paperwork sorted and I start packing Sonny's stuff.

"Can we visit my dad now, Will... I just really want to see him, you know.."

"Yeah, I think that will be fine. Let me just get a wheel chair because it is quite a long walk."

The fact that he doesn't even refuses the wheelchair proves to me that he is not doing well. I kneel in front of him and wait until our eyes meet:

"You have to try to be positive Son... I mean it. If we are going to see your dad and he needs to feel you are OK. That will give him strength you know. And if you're like this he will be worried about you."

He just looks into my eyes, as if he is trying to drain out every bit of positivity I have.

"OK, I'll try... and Will?"

"Yeah..."

"I am so glad you're taking me home today..."

"Me too honey, me too."

(...)

"Hi, we are here to visit Mr Justin Kiriakis?"

The nurse looks on a large white board behind her and gestures us to follow him. Sonny stands up from the wheelchair and grabs my hand while we walk towards Justin's room. The nurse opens the door and we hear her say:

"Visitors for you Mr and Mrs Kiriakis."

When we walk in together Sonny's mum stands up immediately to hug both of us in one big group hug. When she lets go I feel Sonny letting go of my hand as well. I watch him walk up to his father and he bends over to give him a tight hug. They are both emotional and happy to see each other, and I see Adrienne swallowing away the tears. I touch her back lightly and take a deep breath.

"Good to see you son."

"Good to see you too dad."

"I just... I cannot thank you enough Sonny... what you did... I cannot thank you enough."

"Stop dad, I would do it again... I love you, you know that right?"

"I do know that, and I love you."

"Dad?"

"Yes Sonny."

"Whatever is going to happen, promise me you will fight... you can't give up dad."

"I won't give up Sonny, I promise."

They both try to keep their emotions under control and Justin decides to ease the conversation slightly:

"Besides, your mother told me I am supposed to speech soon."

"What?"

"She said you and Will decided I should speech..."

"Oh dad..."

Suddenly Sonny is crying, and because his father can't reach him from his bed I walk over to my boyfriend to hold him tight.

"I'm sorry..."

"Shhh honey, no need...you've been through so much these days, just let it out."

After he calms down I let him go and sit down next to him. And softly I hear him say:

"You better make it dad, because I am counting on that speech."

(...)

When we walk into our apartment I can see the relieve in Sonny's eyes:

"Finally... I'm home."

I pull him to our couch and push him so he will lie down. Even though his body obeys me, he does not:

"I don't want to lie down, Will. I just want to walk around our apartment..."

"Nothing changed Sonny, everything is exactly the same as when you left. Just rest and I will get us some dinner."

"Are you going to be like this for the coming days."

"Yes, so get used to it."

He smiles slightly and when I come back from putting his bags in the bathroom he seems already asleep. As quiet as I can I get started on dinner. I turn off my phone because everyone seems to want to know how Sonny is, and me speaking on the phone will just disturb his rest. I decide to make some soup with fresh vegetables and while I am cooking I suddenly feel two strong arms around me. Apparently he woke up and needs to be close. But as much as I would like to hold him I am still a bit scared:

"Sonny... I... I am not sure what to do? I don't want to hurt you."

"You are not hurting me."

"Not yet, but if I do what I really want to do and turn around and hold you very close, I am afraid I will hurt you."

He opens his arms slightly so I can turn around without touching his stomach. He steps into me slightly and our bodies touch without pressure.

"Thank you Will, all this must have been so hard on you..."

"Euh, yeah... but you are OK now, so..."

"I know... my mum told me about how you two helped each other... I am so glad you're getting along now."

"Me too, and yeah, she was great...she suggested I should visit you first and that meant a lot to me..."

"And to me... seeing your face... even though I was still half asleep, was the best thing ever. Have I ever told you that your eyes are the most beautiful colour I have ever seen?"

"Sonny..."

"I mean it Will, when I woke up and saw you all I thought was: wow, that is my gorgeous boyfriend."

I lean in slightly to kiss him on his lips. It's a soft brush because I am still afraid to hurt him, but Sonny has other plans. Before I know it his lips are firmly on mine and his tongue is demanding entrance which I give immediately. When we break the kiss he smiles:

"I'm not made of glass Will, as long as you don't punch me in my stomach we'll be fine. And let me be very very clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my mouth, so feel free..."

I smile and pull his face towards me. If he is asking to be kissed who am I to refuse. We are panting slightly when we let go and I gesture him to sit down. I serve him a bowl of soup and put mine next to his. During dinner we talk about everything, how he experienced these past few days and how I experienced them as well. For some reason we both want to open up completely about our fears and our insecurities. I tell him about my pacing, talking to his mum about him, talking to my parents about him, and hearing from the surgeons that he was doing OK. He tells me about going in, falling asleep and waking up in a hospital bed attached to machines and medication, worried about his father.

"But it was worth it... you know."

I nod and squeeze his hand:

"I am so happy you are OK though... I don't know what I would have done if..."

"Stop Will, I am fine."

"OK."

"Will?"

"Yeah."

"I need you to be positive... for the both of us. I am so afraid that they find more cancer..."

"I'll be positive honey, I promise."

"Thanks."

I can see that he is tired and I suggest for him to go to bed.

"No Will, it's only 8 o'clock."

"But you look tired honey."

"I am tired, but I am too happy to be home to go to bed. I'll lie on the couch..."

I realise there is no fighting him on this, so I just let him lie down on the couch. I get rid of the dishes and get some coffee for the both of us. When I hand him his coffee and walk over to the chair his hand grabs mine and he pulls me back to the couch.

"Come here, babe..."

"It's alright Sonny, I'll just sit over there so you can be comfortable."

"I want you to hold me for a while..."

I see he means it, his eyes show me that he needs me right know and I put my coffee on the small table next to the couch. Before I sit down I walk over to the kitchen to get his pain medication which he takes quickly. He leans forward on his elbow and I slide between him and the couch. His head rests on my chest and my right hand immediately reaches for his dark soft hair. My other hand strokes his chest and I feel him relax under my touch. We watch a TV show that neither of us is really interested in, and soon I am pretty sure Sonny is asleep. I shuffle a bit so I can put my head down to the back of the couch and just enjoy the feeling of my boyfriend in my arms. I am so happy he is here with me, healthy and safe. My hand reaches to softly brush the place where the dressing is covering his wound. I lean forward to kiss his forehead and then I decide to let him sleep and just stay put on the couch. He feels to relaxed and soft in my arms, I just want him to stay there forever. I suddenly hear him speak and I can't help but smile when I realise he is talking in his sleep. Perhaps the medication makes him do this... I wonder what he is dreaming about and I try to figure out what he is saying. I listen closely and suddenly hear the words:

"In sickness and in health, till death do us part."

I feel myself freeze, did he just say that? Was he saying wedding vows in his dream? And suddenly he starts again:

"I love you Will, now we're finally married."

I realise I have been holding my breath. I cannot believe my boyfriend is dreaming about us getting married. I stroke his hair softly trying not to forget all my good intentions and just wake him up, squeeze him in my arms, kiss him until we are both out of breath, and make love to him until the morning. Instead I whisper softly:

"I love you so, so much... don't ever leave me..."


	7. Chapter 7

**Will's POV **

Sonny's been home for two days now. I really enjoy taking care of him, making him breakfast, lunch, and dinner, get his medication, and make sure he is drinking plenty of fluids. I am pretty sure he is getting sick and tired of my fussing, but so far he has kept it to himself and lets me look after him. Adrienne has updated us with phone calls and a few visits and later today we will hear the results of the additional tests and scans they did with Justin. I just woke up and stare at the ceiling with my hands locked behind my head. Sonny is curled up on his side with his back towards me and I hope he will sleep for a couple more hours. I am sure it will be a long day. Waiting for results usually make time crawl so slowly that it almost feels as though it stopped all together. I take a deep breath and breathe out slowly, trying to reach into my positive energy to get both of us through the day. Sonny stirs next to me, rolls over and puts his head and his right hand on my chest. He is still sleeping so I just lay there quietly, absentmindedly rolling his hair around my fingers. I am sure he will have a terrible day today, he is going to be restless, clumsy because his thoughts are all over the place, slightly irritated about everything, and then very apologetic for his irritation, clumsiness and restlessness. I close my eyes, let's try to sleep as long as we can...

Two hours later I wake up because two soft lips are touching mine. I smile:

"Do that again please?"

I immediately feel the warmth of his lips against mine, his breath is on my skin and I wish we could do this forever. When he lets go and lies back down with his head on my chest I hear him say:

"Today is the day."

"Hmmmm."

"I hope you can put up with me today."

I smile knowingly:

"Because you are going to be restless, clumsy and irritated?"

"Wow, you had that all ready? Am I that bad?"

"Yes... you are... but don't worry, I'll put up with it... seriously honey, I understand."

"Thanks."

"I'm gonna make us breakfast."

"I'll help you, when you leave this bed there is nothing to stay for..."

I can't help but laugh:

"Wow, that's cheesy."

We each make our own bowl of cereal and I get both of us some orange juice. We sit down at the kitchen table and we decide to just talk small talk, to stay on safe uncomplicated territory. We talk about the weather, TV shows, the coffee house, and my studies. While I tell Sonny about my next exam he reaches over to get his orange juice. But his clumsiness kicks in and the glass falls over, spilling all the juice over the table. It is dripping on the floor and we both get up to get a cloth.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't... sorry."

"It's OK babe, it's just orange juice. I'll get you another glass."

"No, I'll get it."

I sense his irritation coming up and just let him get his own orange juice. I look at the clock and realise it's now ten o'clock and the results will not be in before three. I am not sure what to do to make this day easier for the both of us. Sonny walks past me and gets into the shower. I decide to make our bed and jump into the shower when he is finished. After I've had my shower I see my boyfriend busy in the kitchen.

"Sonny, what are you doing, what happened to taking it slow..?"

"I'm fine Will, I just want to go do something today, so I am making us a picnic basket and we can go to the park."

"Oh, that sounds good... but I'll get it ready, why don't you sit down."

"Let it go Will, I'm fine, just let me do this."

"At least let me help, Sonny."

"I'm almost finished... "

I just stand there and wait for Sonny to finish his preparations. Ten minutes later I grab the picnic basket just before he tries to and start walking to the door.

"Will... I can do that, it's not heavy."

"No Sonny, no lifting for a couple of weeks, it has not even been a whole week so I am carrying this basket."

"Wow, you really know how to make me feel incompetent don't you..."

"Sonny..."

I immediately see the apology in his eyes. His dark eyes beg for my understanding and I decide to let it go. We get in my car and I drive us to the park. Sonny suggests to go and sit by the river, so I take the basket and we walk slowly to the river. The walk makes him tired, so when we arrive he lies down on the blanket I put on the ground and closes his eyes. I lie down next to him and reach over to hold his hand. He intertwines our fingers and pulls my hand towards him so it can rest on his heart.

"What if he is going to die, Will."

It's the first time we seriously address this option, say it out loud to discuss the possibility that Justin may not live.

"Then we will make sure he knows he is loved and that he is comfortable."

"Yeah...I can't think about it, Will."

"You shouldn't, sweety, no need yet, we have to wait for the results first."

"I know, I guess I am trying to brace myself for bad news..."

I role over so my weight rests on my left elbow and I am looking Sonny into his eyes. I see the fear and the sadness, and my heart hurts for him.

"Let's just take it step by step honey, we'll know more this afternoon..."

"OK."

I lie down on my back again and feel how tight he is holding my hand. I can feel his heart beat strong and steady and for the umpteenth time I thank God that he is alright.

(...)

Around three o'clock we pack up our stuff to go to the hospital. Adrienne rang us to come in because the doctor asked for all of us to meet face to face. A voice inside me keeps telling me that that is not a good sign, but I push the voice far away. I promised Sonny to be positive, so I have no choice but to be positive. He is just quiet but I can see all the emotions written across his face. We still hold hands, and we only let go when we really have to but other than that we both need to hold each other's hands. I put the basket in the back of my car and drive to the hospital. He is chewing his bottom lip, and his hands keep moving, unable to stay still. When we get out of the car he bumps his head and I just let him swear out loud.

"You alright?"

"I'm fine Will, don't fuss..."

"I'm not, just checking..."

"I'm not dying Will."

We both stop walking and when I turn to look at him I see the tears in his eyes. I immediately forget to be angry and I pull him into my arms:

"Tell me Sonny, talk to me..."

"I just have a bad feeling Will, it feels wrong, all this feels wrong... I am so scared."

I don't care that people look at us and walk around us while we hold each other in the middle of the parking place. I rub comforting circles on his back and feel his heart pound against my chest. He calms down a bit and we decide to go inside. As soon as we start walking again he grabs my hand and I squeeze his. Just outside the oncology department we meet with Adrienne and Justin, who came from the nursing ward. Justin is sitting in a wheelchair and I think he is looking tired. Adrienne looks tense, stressed and very nervous, and I am pretty sure we do not look much better. We hug each other hello and walk onto the oncology department together. We're asked to wait in the waiting room and we sit around a small table. No one is speaking, each of us trying to keep the emotions under control, trying to radiate positivity and energy to support the others. We're all failing though and none of us is able to hide the nerves. Sonny's hand is sweaty and normally he would have let go because he hates sweaty hands. But now he holds on tight as if he needs it to get through this.

"Justin Kiriakis and family?"

We all stand up and greet the doctor. He gestures for us to sit down in a small room near the waiting room. Justin's files are on the table and suddenly I wish I could just run away. But I feel Sonny's grip on my hand and I know I can't leave... I am part of this. The doctor sits down and looks each of us in the eye before addressing Justin:

"Just for the record Justin, you are OK to discuss your health with your family who are present?"

"Yes, I am glad they are here."

"OK, then let me get started by giving you a summary of everything so far... Justin, you have been diagnosed with a primary liver tumour. Because the tumour was just small enough to be suitable for a partial liver transplant, this has been performed within a few days. Your son Sonny appeared to be a match and part of his liver was given to you. The liver transplant was successful, which means the tumour has been removed and the transplanted liver is going well. However, during the operation another tumour was found on your bowels, which was also removed during the surgery. This led to the need for further testing because the cancer appeared to be a fast growing type. So we did additional tests to assess the stage of the cancer. The biopsies taken during the operation confirm that it is an aggressive, fast growing type of cancer, and I am afraid I cannot give you much good news today...

I feel Sonny's hand squeeze mine and I try to focus on the conversation but my mind seems to go blurry. The doctor just continues:

"We have found a new mass in you left lung, and although it is small the nature of the tumour will make it grow fast. We also found some metastases in your bones, more specifically in your right hipbone and your left shoulder blade, and your lymphomas also seem to be affected. I am very sorry I cannot give you better news.

It is suddenly quiet, I realise my mouth is dry and I have a headache. I look at Adrienne and see tears running down her cheeks. Her hands are on Justin's arm and he seems confused, trying to understand everything the doctor just said:

"Sorry doctor, that is a lot to take in... what does this mean... what kind of treatment do you suggest..."

The tension in the room seems to grow thicker by the minute. The doctor takes a deep breath as if he knows he is about to break all of us into tiny little pieces:

"Even though the medical profession has come very far, in your case Justin, we can only offer you palliative treatment."

"What is that..."

"That is a treatment where we will do everything to keep you comfortable and increase your quality of life. But obviously, it will not cure the cancer."

"So... how long do I have?"

"We can never say that for sure, but because we have been able to remove the tumour from you liver, you might have slightly more time then when you would not have had the transplantation. However, due to the fact that the cancer is growing faster and spreading faster than we originally though, my medical judgement would be 4-6 months."

So that's it. I feel like my heart is shattered. I can't breathe and suddenly I feel claustrophobic in this little room. Adrienne is crying softly, Justin seems in shock, and Sonny, my sweet sweet Sonny... I have never seen him like this. He is broken. He is a broken man. He is not crying, but his eyes reflect the pain that is tearing him apart. Our hands are still joined together and it is the only thing that keeps me sort of grounded. I try to focus on the touch of Sonny's hand to get me through the rest of this meeting. I breathe in, I breathe out and try to pick up the pieces of my heart so that when this meeting ends I can be there for Sonny and his parents. I breath in, I breath out... God give me strength...

(...)

Some way or the other we have managed to come home. We find ourselves in our apartment after the meeting with the doctor and a long after-meeting with Sonny's parents. We are both extremely tired from the emotions that are raging inside of us since the doctor spoke the words that no-one wants to hear. We're both quiet, much like the evening we first heard Justin had cancer. I'm not sure what to do and decide to put on some easy fitting clothes in our bedroom. When I walk back into our living room Sonny is no longer there. The bathroom door is slightly open, but the light is still turned off. I walk in anyway and turn the light on and find him sitting on the cold bathroom floor. He must have thought to go and take a shower, but he seemed to have stopped halfway through. His shirt, shoes and socks are somewhere on the floor and he is only wearing his jeans. His arms are hugging his legs and his head is resting on his knees. I kneel down next to him and pull him into my arms. I can feel the sobs ripping through his body, while he is unable to control them. He is shaking and his face is wet with tears.

"Sonny..."

It's all I whisper and I feel how the tears I have swallowed away for the past hours are finding their way to freedom. His face is push against my neck and his arms squeeze my waist. I hold him close around his shoulders and hide my face in his hair. My body shakes with his when a sob goes through him and I try to hold him even closer. We just sit there for a long time and very slowly I feel him calm down. He feels completely exhausted in my arms and I don't feel much better. I pull both of us up and almost carry him to our bedroom. We lie down on our bed and curl up in each other so close that we almost seem one person. Were so exhausted that we fall asleep almost immediately, Sonny's face still wet from crying.

When I wake up in the middle of the night I realise I am lying in bed by myself. I get up and walk to the living room. Sonny is sitting on the couch with his laptop open.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"What are you doing..."

He gestures me to come over to him and he pulls me close to him on the couch. I see a picture of his father on his laptop screen and I lean into him and let my head rest on his shoulder. His arm curves around my shoulders and we quietly scroll through the pictures of Sonny's family. I am so focussed on the pictures and Justin's familiar friendly face that I am surprised when I hear Sonny's shaky voice:

"I can't stop crying."

I turn around and see that he is a mess... completely lost in his emotions. I pull the laptop from his lap and lay it on the floor. I pull his head to my chest and just let him cry.

"That's OK, just let it out honey."

"I want to stop crying."

"I know."

I rub his back and his arms, my hand strokes his hair and I kiss his temple again and again.

"I was so scared yesterday..."

His voice is unsteady and soft, but he keeps on talking in an urgent need to tell me how he feels:

"And when the doctor said... 4-6 months... I felt like someone was squeezing my throat... you know... and then seeing my dad... an my mum... like that... I can't...

"Shhhh."

"I don't know how to do this... I don't know how to deal with this..."

"We'll do it together."

"But how do we do this Will... how do I say goodbye... to my dad Will... he is my dad."

"I know baby."

"I don't want to lose him... I can't lose him."

"I'm so sorry honey."

"There are so many things in my life he should be a part of, you know?"

"I know."

"So many things..."

I hold him close and let him talk, realising that he does not need an answer from me, he just needs to talk right know.

"He should see me graduate, and he should be proud when I open another coffee shop somewhere, and he should be visiting us in our house that we bought with our mortgage, and our wedding..."

He whispers the last words and pushes his face closer to my chest. My heart hurts for the strong man crying in my arms like a baby, and for the strong man who raised him, and I wish I could make it all better...

(...)

"Sonny, I need you to listen to me..."

We just had our dinner and Sonny is watching TV while I was doing the dishes. Today has been an emotional roller coaster again. We met with Justin and Adrienne and spoke about so many things, the things Justin wants to do before his health prevents him from doing them, his will, money things. And during the whole day I have been thinking about one thing only. When I woke up this morning I knew how I could help Sonny and his father. I know it is very small and it will not make Justin better, or keep him with us longer, but it will give Sonny the possibility to spent one of his most important moments with his father.

"Son, are you listening?"

"Yes, I am."

"Turn of the TV please, it's important..."

He does what I ask him and looks at me slightly concerned.

"Everything OK?"

"No... yes I mean, Sonny I have been thinking all day..."

"OK?"

"You keep saying that you need your father in the important moments in your life. You want to share that with him, right?"

"Yes Will, why are you bringing that up."

I see the pain in his eyes and I hate myself for mentioning it again. But I press on, hoping he will let me finish what I have to say:

"And your dad still has 4-6 months."

"Don't make it sound like that is a long time."

I bend my head, wishing I could kick myself for saying all the wrong things:

"Sonny, let's get married..."

"What?"

"Let's get married so your father can be there. You want him to be there, I want him to be there, and he wants to be there Sonny... I just... maybe this is very inappropriate but I thought it would take one item away from your list of moments you hoped to spent with him, you know..."

I look up and immediately think I have pushed too far. Sonny is crying and I am sure it is because of my utterly inappropriate question. Because who does that... who thinks about weddings when a loved one is not going to live for long. Who is that selfish. I look at the floor and whisper again and again:

"I'm sorry Sonny, I'm so sorry."

But suddenly he is in front of me, his hands cupping my face forcing me to look at him. His eyes are all watery and I feel terrible to have caused that.

"Let's get married."

"What?"

He kisses me softly and I taste the salt on his lips. His eyes never let go of mine when he softly says:

"You know that I really really want to marry you, and having my father there means the world to me, so..."

I softly brush our noses together and smile:

"I'm really gonna marry you, Sonny Kiriakis."

"You better, William Horton."

**I am so sorry, please don't hate me for continuing the story this way. I love Justin so I don't know why I am doing this ****. It just came out this way... **


	8. Chapter 8

**I am not sure about gay marriage being legal in which parts of America, but as a Dutch person I am used to it being legal, and in my humble opinion that is how it should be. So in my fictional Salem I am conveniently (although unrealistically) following the laws I am most familiar with, which are the Dutch laws making gay marriage legal in Salem... just so you all know. **

**Will's POV**

I just woke up and cannot believe I slept until 8 am. Yesterday I would have bet all my money on not sleeping at all, but luckily I didn't make that bet because then I would be broke now. Well I am broke anyway... I never knew a wedding would be this expensive. I look over to the door where my tuxedo is ready for me to wear it all day. Sonny hasn't seen it yet, and I haven't seen his. We decided to go tux hunting separately, each taking our own parents with us to give their critical opinion. I roll over to Sonny's side of the bed and hug his pillow, wondering whether I should text him. Everyone told us we were not allowed to see each other before the wedding, but I think texting is different... but I'm not sure what the rules are. Before I can make up my mind my phone is buzzing:

'Hi babe, can't wait to say I do.'

'Hi honey, me neither, I love you.'

'Love you too, see you in about two hours.'

'You better show up.'

'Don't worry, I'll be there. And by the way, we are never ever sleeping apart again... I don't like it.'

'I loved it, I was going to suggest to find a two bed room apartment.'

I wait for his response but instead of a text I read 'incoming call'. Sonny's smiling face comes up on the screen and I press 'answer'.

"Hi."

"You are going to have to pay for that, William Horton."

"I was kidding."

"You better, because I was dead serious..."

"Don't worry honey, from now on I will curl up against you every night and listen to you talk in your dreams."

"I don't do that.."

"Yes you do..."

"So, what do I say..."

"Wedding vows."

"Right Will, of course I do."

I just smile and then tell him about the time when he just had surgery and fell asleep after taking his pain medication.

"You said the vows out loud."

"Well, I am still not sure whether I should believe you, but... I just really want to be your husband... I love you so much Will... and I can't believe we let the others talk us in to not seeing each other before the wedding because to be honest... it sucks."

"It does... I missed you last night."

I hear shouting in the background thought the phone and smile when he sighs:

"That's my mum, all stressed out..."

"You can do this honey, I'll see you soon."

Sonny is staying at the mansion and I am at our apartment. My mum, dad and grandmothers will be here around 8.30 am to help me get ready, so I decide to take a shower before they get here. While I stand under the shower gathering my thoughts I remember how two months ago, I had to hold Sonny under the stream of warm water because he was unable to stand by himself. I cannot believe it has already been two months since we heard Justin's diagnosis. Time is going way too fast, and unfortunately his health has deteriorated during these past weeks. He lost a lot of weight and he does not have much energy requiring him to take things slow. I hope he is able to enjoy all of today, since he has been looking forward to this as much as Sonny and me, if not more. When we told him about our wedding he was so moved and emotional, so happy he could be part of this major step in Sonny's life. These past few weeks have been hard on all of us, but the preparation for the wedding always gave us energy and a positive spirit. And today is the day I will marry the love of my life. We have grown so close these two months, and I cannot imagine my life without him anymore. It feels like we are tied together and nothing and no-one can tear us apart. I turn the water off and wrap a towel around my waist while walking back to the bedroom. Before I get dressed I reach for my phone to sent a text:

'Babe, I cannot wait to spent the rest of my life with you, all this feels just right.'

His reply comes quick and makes me smile:

'I know, I guess you're stuck with me forever '

A knock on my door makes me jump up. I quickly put on some sweets and one of Sonny's shirts and then I open the door to let my family in. They seem all excited and glamorous, wearing their wedding clothes already. I hug them all and thank them for coming over. My mum and grandma Marlena get started on breakfast, while my dad and grandma Kate sit down with me to have the 'are you ready' talk. I just smile and assure them that if I could I would jump in my car right now, pick Sonny up from the mansion and drag him down the aisle without wasting any more time.

"That's a good sign son, just a few hours left..."

"I know... and I am going to enjoy every part of this day... but I can't wait to say I do"

(...)

We just arrived at the church, where my uncle Eric is waiting for us. I saw Justin's car so I hope Sonny is already here.

"Hi uncle Eric."

"Hi Will, how does it feel being a groom."

"Amazing... is Sonny inside?"

"Yes, he is, looking just as excited as you..."

"I, euh... can I"

"He is in room 3, he asked to see you before the ceremony."

This was not the plan, but I could not care less. I almost run inside, straight to room 3. I take a deep breath before I open the door, trying to slow down my pounding heart.

"Hi."

"Hi."

He is standing in front of the window, looking amazingly handsome in his perfect tuxedo. I feel like all the air is pushed out of me. I feel slightly dizzy, and I have to hold on to a chair to remain standing. My Sonny... that is my Sonny, all dressed up to marry me...

"You look so amazing."

His voice brings me back to reality, I feel my feet firmly on the ground and breathe in as deep as I can. He walks towards me slowly and for some reason I just stand there waiting for him, looking at him as if he just came back from hanging the moon and the stars for me. He opens his arms and hugs me tightly. My arms immediately curve around his shoulders and I have to restrain myself not to bury my hands in his perfect dark hair that smells like heaven.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I couldn't wait any longer, I just had to see you..."

"I know, if you wouldn't have asked, I would have... so..."

"You really look amazing Will..."

"And you look perfect Son... absolutely perfect."

We let go so we can look at each other and I suddenly realise that it is back brighter than ever... the sparkle in his eyes is back and I have never seen it shiner this brightly. I lean in, I just have to kiss him. My lips meet his in a searing, long kiss that leaves both of us breathless.

"How is your dad..."

"He is glowing with happiness and pride..."

"Good."

"Will?"

"Yeah..."

"He said this day... we should only be happy today... no cancer, no hospitals, no prognosis... just happy..."

"OK, I'm all for that..."

"Me too.."

"Son?"

"Hmmmm."

"You OK?"

"Yeah."

I hear the emotions in his voice that is no more that a whisper by now. I pull him back into my arms and hold him close, knowing that even though we will be all happy today, he can't help thinking about it for just a moment.

"I'm just glad he is here, you know..."

"I know."

A knock on the door makes us let go of each other. Uncle Eric walks in and smiles:

"It's time boys, the church is full and they're waiting for you."

I look at my boyfriend, knowing that in less than half an hour he will be my husband. He looks at me and smiles:

"Let's do this babe..."

(...)

We are married. Really married. His lips are soft against mine and our family and friends are cheering and clapping. He lets go and smiles his radiant smile that always makes me fall in love just a little bit more. He leans in again and I kiss him back, hiding my hands in his black hair, completely forgetting that I am not supposed to mess it up. I feel him smile:

"What about my hair babe."

I immediately drop my hands to his shoulders:

"I'm sorry, I... I just... you know...I just love your hair..."

He is laughing now:

"Honey, I'm kidding, I know you like my hair, and I love it when you hold me like that..."

Everyone is still clapping and cheering and I decide to hug my brand new husband one more time before we walk outside, hand in hand. I meet Justin's eyes and I see the happiness shining through them. He smiles and I smile back. Once we're outside everyone wants to congratulate us and I have to let go of Sonny's hand, but before I do I squeeze is lightly. He squeezes back and then he lets go of my hand to hug his mum. Before I know it my mum is pulling me close to whisper her happiness into my ear. I just smile and let everyone hug me, hoping that at some point, I will find Sonny again who seems lost between all the guests. Suddenly Justin is in front of me, pulling me into a fatherly hug. I feel how skinny he is, but immediately push those thoughts away. I hear him say softly:

"Thank you Will, for everything... you make Sonny so happy..."

I just nod, unable to say anything, afraid I might start crying.

"I am so happy that I know you will be there for each other no matter what..."

I nod again and look into his eyes while he pulls away. I hope he reads in my eyes what I cannot say at the moment: I'll be there for him when you are no longer able to, I'll be his strength through it all.

"I know."

He must have understood my wordless message and I cough to get rid of the lump in my throat so I can softly say:

"I need him too though... he makes me strong, you know.."

"I know."

And then our moment is over and I let others congratulate me until I see Sonny standing in front of me. Without hesitation he hugs me close and smiles:

"Congratulations."

I hold him close and we don't care that everyone is commenting on how adorable we are.

"We are really married..."

"And I finally get to call you my husband."

"I love the sound of that..."

"I love you."

"I love you too honey."

(...)

We are having an absolutely perfect day. We just had dinner and usually this is the time for speeches. I feel slightly nervous, knowing that Justin will give his speech. We have been using this moment for the past two months to get us through, and now it is about to happen I am worried. I think everyone in the room is aware how the four of us were holding on to this moment during the tough times in the past months, and I am sure it will be an emotional moment. I see Justin raising his spoon to tick it against his glass, asking for attention. Almost immediately I feel Sonny's hand sliding into mine and his body leaning into mine, leaving no space between us. Justin does not stand up, but decides to deliver his speech sitting down. Even though he looks tired, his eyes are still shining with happiness. Everyone quiets down and I feel the emotions build in the room. Unconsciously I brace myself, determined to focus on 'happy' today, as Justin told Sonny this morning. Justin takes a breath and starts his speech:

"Sonny, Will, family and friends. Believe it or not, I could not have been happier today. Every moment of this amazing day, which is not finished yet, has been perfectly beautiful and I am a very very proud father. Twenty-four years ago a small screaming bundle of joy was laid on my chest... and I was a father of a little boy; Jackson. We soon called you Sonny because it suited better, a happy boy with a happy name. And Sonny, over the years I loved the relationship we build and cherished, and I was so proud and happy we could discuss absolutely everything. One day you told me and your mother you liked boys more than girls, and although it took us some time to get used to this news, we never loved you any less, and we are so proud of who you are."

I hear a soft sniff next to me and I know he is crying. I curve my arm around his neck and pull him closer to me. He lets me hold him close while holding on to my thigh, and using his other hand wipe his eyes.

"It's OK babe."

I whisper into his ear and he nods. I pull him a little bit tighter and focus on Justin again:

"In Will you have found the man of your dreams. From the first time you met him you were sure he was the one you were going to spent your life with. And I have never seen you happier than since the two of you have been together. As much as I would like to avoid it, I want to say a few things about the past two months. Sonny, when you gave me part of your liver, without any hesitation, I could not believe what an amazing person you are. You just did it, never asking anything back. As your father I am so proud of what you have done, as a patient I am so very thankful."

I realise many are crying, or trying to swallow the lump in their throat. But even though everyone is sad, it seems OK to do this... to be sad together because we are in the middle of a situation we cannot change. We shouldn't avoid this topic, it is part of what makes us who we are in this moment. I feel how Sonny is resting is head against mine, trying to keep himself together and I just hold him close while we listen to Justin as he continues his speech:

"Will, I also want to thank you for everything. You have supported Sonny, Adrienne, and me in every way possible and I could not have wished for a better son in law. It brings me peace to know Sonny has you when I am no longer able to be by his side."

I feel one single tear rolling down my cheek and I see Justin swallow, he takes a deep breath and continues:

"The love that you two have is very special. It is the kind that makes everyone jealous, and it is the kind that both of you stronger. Over the past months I have spent so much time with you and I know the little things that make it unique: Sonny, you always reach out to hold Will's hand, Will you touch Sonny's hair every chance you get, and you both smile a lot when you're together. But most of all, you know each other so well and you never hide from each other, always showing how you feel, giving the other the opportunity to look after you, take care of you... I want that to be my message today... look after each other in the good and bad times. Let other people see the real you and let them take care of you, comfort you, be your strength when you need someone to lean on. And never turn away when someone is asking for your help. Sonny... Will... never let that go... never stop taking care of each other... never stop looking after each other..."

He raises his glass, unable to say any more and we all join in. I finally dare to look at Sonny and although his eyes are teary he smiles at me saying softly:

"Only happy today remember...and I am happy I have you to take care of me."

I lean in and kiss him firmly on his lips:

"Always honey."

(...)

We thought about going on a honeymoon, but we decided we wanted to just stay home to spent time with our family, Justin in particular. We then discussed going to a hotel after the wedding, but after a while we both admitted we'd much rather just go home, sleep in our own bed as a married couple. So now we are on our way home and the silence in the car is comfortable and relaxed. I am absentmindedly stroking Sonny's thigh while he is driving us home. I mumble softly:

"Will Horton-Kiriakis."

"I like that..."

"What?"

"Will Horton-Kiriakis, I like that."

"Not as much as I like Sonny Kiriakis-Horton."

We both smile and I remember Justin's speech when he said we smile a lot when we are together, I guess he was right. Sonny parks the car and we walk inside. As I expected he immediately gets rid of his bow tie and jacket, opening the top buttons of his shirt while making some coffee. I follow his example, throwing my bow tie and jacket on the kitchen table next to his. I stand him, draping my arms around his waist pulling his back against my chest. He leans back immediately letting me kiss his neck. He moans softly as I suck on his skin, raising his hand to touch my hair.

"Turn around."

He turns around in my arms and I let out a deep breath when I feel his body so close to mine. I feel him opening the rest of the buttons of my shirt, pushing the shirt of my shoulders and throwing it on the pile we started on the kitchen table. I don't hesitate and within second his shirt is on top of my shirt and his naked skin is soft against mine. He pulls me in for a sweet hug and I hug him back closely, knowing that he wants to talk about something:

"My father's speech... I know I was crying but I really loved it."

"Me too honey."

"I was a bit nervous for it, you know... but it was... he was so right... what I love about us is that I know you will look after me and I love looking after you... you know?"

"Yeah... I know baby."

"Today was the happiest day of my live Will."

I lean back and look deep into his eyes and at exactly the same time we whisper:

"I love you."

I feel how he pushes me towards the bedroom, onto our bed. His body is covering mine and I feel his heart pound in his chest. His skin is soft and warm, his lips are passionate and hungry, his eyes are pools of dark chocolate, and his hands are so tender they make me shiver with every touch.

"Your eyes..."

"What?"

"They're so blue... so beautiful."

Our words are breathy and flushed, showing how much we want and need the other. I allow myself to drown in his love, to let go of everything, entirely be his, not holding anything back. And he does the same, because right now I can see straight into his very soul. Our bodies and our hearts become one person. I don't know where I end and where he begins, but it feels right, exactly right, as if I am finally complete. His breath is on my skin and I feel goose bumps when his breath warms my ear:

"Take care of me Will..."

**Thanks to everyone reading this story! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Look forward to your responses!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Will's POV**

I open my eyes and look straight into the most beautiful chocolate brown I have even seen. He smiles widely while cupping my face with his right hand. I can't do much different then smile back, and my hand reaches up to touch his messy morning hair. I immediately remember how I held onto it last night when we made love, for the first time as a married couple. It was intense, earth shattering, and I have never felt so vulnerable and so safe at the same time.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

His voice is soft and I remember how he breathlessly whispered my name last night when passion surrounded us, and our love was almost too intense to handle.

"You are amazing."

He laughs softly and I wish he would never stop, because when he laughs it feels like music for my soul.

"So are you baby..."

I pull his head towards mine and meet his lips for a searing kiss. He moans softly and my mind goes back to last night, when he moaned uncontrollably under my touch and I felt like a hero because I could make him like that. I could make him tremble with a feather light kiss, I could make him vulnerable and soft in my arms, I could make him need me. He needs me... and I know that in the coming weeks he is only going to need me more and more. And I will do everything in my power to be there for him and to support him as much as he needs. I feel how he curls up close to me, resting his head under my chin, letting out a deep sigh while drawing invisible patterns on my chest. I hold him close, savouring this moment in my heart. This moment where we are still in the afterglow of our wedding, and where everything else that's going on in this world still seems slightly blurry and mere background noise.

"I'm hungry."

"Wow, you know how to ruin a moment, don't you."

"I took some left over wedding cake last night..."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Nope... just wait here and I'll make breakfast."

He is suddenly gone, off to make probably the weirdest breakfast I have ever had, and I feel a bit lost without his weight leaning into me. I roll onto my side and just hope there is more to my breakfast then left over wedding cake. When he comes back to bed he is holding a tray loaded with food. I sit up against the head board and stare at the strangest combination of food that make up the strangest breakfast ever.

"This is the perfect morning-after-wedding-breakfast, don't you think?"

"What?"

"Look, there's wedding cake, champagne, some of those petit fours you liked..."

"It's all very sweet food, babe."

"That's because it was a sweet wedding honey..."

His enthusiasm is endearing and I can't help falling in love just a little bit more.

"Sonny, you are so cute."

"Cute?... Sexy and strong, you mean."

"No babe, right now you're just very very cute, and that is the only reason I am going to eat this stuff at nine in the morning."

His enthusiasm remains as strong as it was and he doesn't seem to care much about my careful hesitation towards his 'breakfast'. Without further ado he starts eating the wedding cake:

"Oh.. so good."

I join him and eat a few bites of the petit fours he put in front of me. He leans into me and I suddenly realise I have never been so happy in my life. Here I am, eating wedding cake in our bed in the early morning with the man of my dreams who I have married yesterday... I lean towards him and kiss his cheek:

"I love you."

His mouth is full with wedding cake and his big brown sparkling eyes lock onto mine and the answer, although unspoken, is loud and clear: I love you too.

(...)

For two days we enjoyed the after wedding pure happiness. But as from today we feel our feet firmly back on the ground. Reality is calling and it is not pretty. I feel Sonny reach for my hand while we walk into the hospital. I cannot forget his soft and sad words after he told me his mother called to ask us to come to the hospital:

"This is going wrong, Will, this is going very wrong..."

I hugged him and we got into my car to drive to the hospital. And now we are here and to meet Adrienne just outside Justin's room.

"Hi Sonny, hi Will."

"Mum, what's going on."

"Let me just tell the nurse you are here so she can let the doctor know, he wants to speak to all of us."

We go in and I feel how Sonny seems to freeze when we see his father in his hospital bed. His eyes are closed, he looks even skinnier than during our wedding, his cheekbones seem to stand out, his skin has a greyish colour, and dark circles are colouring around his eyes. He does not look good, and we both realise that this meeting is serious. He opens his eyes and smiles weakly:

"Hi boys, how is married life."

We are not sure what to say, but suddenly Sonny seems to come alive:

"It's great dad, we're very happy."

"I can see that..."

"How can you see that..."

"You're eyes are sparkling. Ever since you were a kid your eyes would sparkle when you were happy, the happier you were the brighter the sparkle. And I have never seen it this bright."

Sonny pulls a chair close to his father bed and smiles:

"That's because I've never been this happy, dad."

Adrienne and the doctor walk in and we all take a seat. And we all listen quietly as the doctor tells us what is going on:

"Unfortunately the cancer is very progressive. And as you already know there is not much more we can do. In our first conversation I have mentioned some palliative treatments and before the wedding we have done some chemo to slow the cancer down as much as we could. But I am afraid that is no longer a good option."

Adrienne nods and asks softly:

"What do you suggest doctor."

"I think you have to make sure proper care is in place, so there are people to look after you. You can either go to a hospice or you can arrange private nurses to look after you at home..."

We are all quiet. So this is it... we all knew it was coming, and nonetheless we are shocked by the fact that we have yet turned another page, knowing that there are only a few pages left.

"I'd like to go home..."

Justin's voice is weak but determined. He looks at Adrienne and I wish right here that in thirty years I still look at Sonny that way:

"Adrienne, honey?"

"Yes Justin, I want you to come home... we will make sure you are comfortable and looked after properly."

We made the decision and the doctor and Adrienne leave to contact some private nursing companies. We sit at Justin's bedside and I realise my hand in tingling from Sonny's tight grip. I listen to them talk and feel how both of them are trying to tell the other how much he loves him, but both of them are using words that cover up the deepest emotions:

"Dad, we might move into the mansion for a while as well..."

"I'd like that Sonny... I'd really like that."

"That way I can make sure everyone is taking care of you properly."

"I'm sure the nurses know what they're doing Sonny."

"I know... I just... want to... you know..."

"I know."

We can see he is tired and we decide to leave. Sonny reaches over for the traditional father-son hug and I can see that the usual tight grip has changed into a careful holding, as if he is scared to hurt his father. When we walk outside, still hand in hand, he suddenly asks:

"You don't mind, do you... I never asked you... I'm so sorry..."

"About moving to the mansion for a while?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, I just decided for both of us..."

"And I understand... and its fine... let's get some of our stuff and go over there. That way we will be there when your mum and dad get home."

We are standing next to my car and he lets go of my hand. His arms are around my shoulders immediately and I feel how he is pulling me close:

"Thank you..."

"Don't thank me baby, we should be with your father as much as we can... don't thank me."

"OK... I love you then... am I allowed to say that?"

"Not just allowed, you are supposed to say that."

"OK... I love you Will."

"I love you Sonny."

(...)

The past two weeks have been difficult and emotional mixed with fun and laughter. We have spent a lot of time together around Justin's bed and it felt as though everyone was trying to make sure everything was said and done, even though we all knew that is impossible. Sonny has been so strong these weeks... of course he had his moments of sadness, but he was determined to make the most of it, to create amazing memories full of laughs and smiling faces. His determination kept him going, making these days beautiful, unforgettable, and special for the four of us. He would talk about happy memories when he was younger, or about plans he has for the coffee house, or about countries he wants to visit. And one day when I was on my way to join them I stopped because I heard him say my name. I know eavesdropping is not a proper thing to do, but for some reason I just stood there, tearing up, while they spoke about me.

"The wedding was beautiful Sonny, I am so glad I was there... able to see you get married."

"Yeah... it was amazing... Will is amazing."

"Promise me you'll be happy Sonny... that you will take good care of what the two of you have... because it is special."

"I promise dad."

"A love that strong makes life worth it, son."

"I know dad... the moment I saw him I knew that my life would only make sense with him in it..."

"He is a good guy Sonny, I know he is good for you..."

"Yeah... he is perfect for me..."

I cleared my throat and wiped my face dry before I swept the door open and walked into the room. I kissed Sonny on his cheek and shook Justin's hand, and started talking about something random as if I did not hear them. I tear up right now thinking about that special moment that I will keep in my heart for the rest of my life.

(...)

Today is a dark day... today is the day we have feared for the past weeks. I brace myself for everything that is heading my way and try to prepare myself to deal with it all. I repeat Justin's speech over and over in my head while I am on my way to the mansion:

"_I want that to be my message today... look after each other in the good and bad times. Let other people see the real you and let them take care of you, comfort you, be your strength when you need someone to lean on. And never turn away when someone is asking for your help. Sonny... Will... never let that go... never stop taking care of each other... never stop looking after each other..."_

My mum came in to find me at university to tell me the news I have been dreading to hear for the past weeks. She was asked by aunt Maggie to tell me in person, so she rushed out to find me. For a moment my world stopped turning and all I thought was:

"I have to find Sonny, where is Sonny."

After I promised my mum I would drive safely she let me go back to the mansion. As soon as I arrive there aunt Maggie comes up to me and hugs me close:

"How are you Will."

"I'm not sure... it doesn't matter... where is Sonny."

"He is in the garden, down by the pond."

I run through the mansion towards the pond and I stop abruptly when I see him sitting in the grass. I am suddenly not sure what to say, what to do... and I am also not sure if I can do this. Seeing him makes my emotions come up to the surface and I suddenly realise what happened. I feel like crying and I don't want to cry, trying so hard to be strong for Sonny. As if he feels I am staring at him, he turns around and when he sees me he tries to get up. I suddenly move and run over to him, sitting myself behind him so I can put my legs and arms around him and my chin on his shoulder.

"I can't do this Will... it hurts too much... I don't know how to do this..."

I just hold him, not sure what to say. He is not crying, but his whole body feels tense with pain, hurt and grief. I feel my own tears finding their way down my cheeks and I decide to just let it go. I cry soundlessly and listen to his broken voice whispering softly:

"He is my dad... I can't do this..."

He turns around in my arms and pushes his face against my chest. My hand automatically goes through his hair and I hear myself saying:

"I'm so sorry baby... I'm so sorry."

My tears have stopped, but my face it still wet. Sonny is now crying in my arms, and I hold him close. He is devastated and I can feel it in the way his body leans into mine. It is similar to the time I had to hold him under the shower. All his strength is gone and he is overtaken by emotions. We have no idea how long we are sitting here, but we let it all happen while holding each other close. When we both have calmed down a bit and just feel exhausted from all the emotions raging through our hearts I say softly:

"When I was on my way here I thought about your dad's speech."

The memory is too much for him and I feel how he hides his face against my chest again. I stroke his back and continue:

"I'll look after you Sonny."

He nods and his arms slide around my waist. His voice is small and trembling, making my heart hurt even more:

"I need you to Will..."

I just pull him closer and kiss his hair because the lump in my throat makes it difficult to speak right now. I feel his heart beat because I am holding his body flush to mine. For the umpteenth time I repeat Justin's speech in my head as if those words give me strength to handle all this:

"_I want that to be my message today... look after each other in the good and bad times. Let other people see the real you and let them take care of you, comfort you, be your strength when you need someone to lean on. And never turn away when someone is asking for your help. Sonny... Will... never let that go... never stop taking care of each other... never stop looking after each other..."_

(...)

I drove both of us home and now we are both standing in the middle of our apartment. It is nine o'clock in the evening and the emotional day has taken its toll on us. We sat by the pond for two hours and then went back into the house to be there for Adrienne. And about an hour ago a few of her close friends came over and we decided to go home. We said it was to get some sleep, but I am not sure whether we will sleep tonight. I see Sonny sit down at the kitchen table and I walk over to the coffee machine to make him some coffee. We don't speak, we're just together and it feels right. During our time at the pond we barely spoke either, and I know that at some point, Sonny will start to talk. So I just wait until he starts and make him some coffee in the mean time. His voice sounds exhausted when he breaks our silence:

"I'm so tired..."

"Me too honey..."

I sense that he has much more to say so I put his coffee in front of him and sit next to him at the table. I reach for his hand and hold is tight between both my hands. He seems to gather his thoughts, try to say whatever is in his mind in a coherent manner. But when he starts talking it all just comes out:

"I knew this was coming and yet... I can't believe it Will... and in a way... and this must sound terrible... I am sort of glad for him that it is all over... you know... these last days... it felt like he was suffering... and now he is not suffering anymore... but is hurts Will... it hurts so much."

I just nod, unable to respond vocally to the way he is opening up to me. But my fingers stroke his hand and my eyes lock onto his while he softly says the words everyone seems to avoid:

"He died Will... he is gone... and he is never coming back..."

He is crying now, and I just scoot closer and hold him in my arms. When he calms down he sits up so he can look into my eyes. I am not even trying to hide my own tears and he brushes them away with his thumbs while he cups my face.

"Are you OK honey?"

His question is so sweet and moves me to my very core, and a few extra tears flow down by cheeks.

"Your father... he was great, you know... he was great to you, to me, to us... I'm gonna miss him."

"Me too baby."

He just sits there, holding my face, brushing away the tears and looking into my eyes without hiding his own sadness. And I have never felt so close to him, never felt so safe. He whispers softly:

"Before... when I was, you know... you held me in the shower... can we take a shower now?"

I know showering calms him down, and we stand up and head to the bathroom. This time I don't have to hold him up, but we do hold each other while the warm water is washing over our bodies. Feeling his naked wet skin pressed against mine makes me feel at home and complete. Knowing that we can grief and hurt together makes our relationship even stronger. He whispers softly in my ear:

"I know you don't want me to say this, but thank you..."

"Don't thank me Sonny, I love you and I want to be there for you..."

"I know, and I want to thank you for that... a couple of days ago I spoke to my dad about you..."

I remember standing behind the door and consider telling him what I heard him say. But before I can say anything he continues:

"He said you are good for me."

"Well, you are good for me, so..."

I feel his arms tighten around my waist and his head rests on my shoulder. As always, my hand reaches for his hair as I feel his breath against my skin when he says:

"His speech... he was right about something else too..."

"What was that..."

"You always touch my hair."

I drop my hand to his back and he leans back to look at me:

"What are you doing..."

"I don't... I thought..."

He puts his head back on my shoulder and says firmly:

"You better put your hand back where it belongs Horton."

And then continues softly, while hugging me close:

"All I want right now... is your hand in my hair."

**This one was hard to write and I am not sure about how it turned out. I think I want to do a few more chapters on this story, but I am not sure... let me know what you think!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Dear readers/reviewers, thank you thank you thank you! When I read all the sweet, honest, and/or personal comments it touches my heart. Thank you for enjoying this story! I will try not to let you down :).**

**Will's POV**

He is closing the door behind the delivery man and carefully puts the package on our kitchen table. Instead of opening it, he just stares at it from a slight distance. I stand next to the sofa, unsure whether I should say anything or just let him take his time. But he turns to me and I see the emotions in his eyes when he says:

"It's here..."

I smile and nod while walking towards him:

"You want to open it?"

He looks back at the package and I see the hesitation written on his handsome face:

"I don't know..."

As he takes a step back, away from the table, I take a step forward towards the table. My eyes are locked on his face trying to read every thought that is going through his mind right now. His eyes are glued to the package, while his teeth absentmindedly start biting his bottom lip. The sadness in his eyes changes to pain and hurt and turn to the table and lift the package up:

"You're not ready honey... and that's OK... I'll put it in our bedroom."

I walk away with the package and carefully put it in the corner of our bedroom, hiding it mostly behind the curtain. When I walk back into our living room he is still standing in the same place, unable to hide his emotions.

"It's OK honey..."

"I know."

"You can take all the time you need..."

"I... I'm just..."

His eyes meet mine and I nod. He takes a deep breath and says:

"I'll get dinner started."

I lay down on the couch, unashamed to stare at my boyfriend who is busy in the kitchen. My thoughts go back to the day Justin died, which is now six weeks ago. I remember how we sat near the pond, how we comforted each other when we came home, the days after when we had to arrange the funeral, then the day of the funeral, and the weeks after in which the realisation that Justin is not coming back, became more and more real to all of us. And we are still in the middle of grieving because someone we loved dearly is no longer physically with us. We go over to the mansion regularly to see Adrienne, and she is trying so hard to be strong. She lost the man she has loved for most of her life, and it is obvious that she is hurt beyond our understanding. But her strength is admirable and she tries to look back at the good times while being thankful for everything they had together.

My eyes are glued to Sonny, and I feel how my heart beats just a little bit faster while I enjoy the sight. His profile is so familiar, and I can't help the butterflies in my stomach while I admire him. The shirt he is wearing is showing of his strong shoulders, and his jeans hug his cute butt. I smile and consider walking over to him, and forget all about dinner. But I close my eyes so the shape of his body can no longer cloud my mind, because I know he needs a moment to gather his thoughts, to think about everything that has happened, and to think about the package that just arrived. I decide to take a short nap before dinner, and quickly I drift off into a light sleep.

(...)

Today it has been exactly two months since Justin died and Sonny suggested to go to the cemetery. We decided to take his car and we just arrived at the parking space near the main gate. We haven't been here since the funeral and I feel he is nervous and tense. I grab his hand and squeeze it while we walk towards the gate, realising that I am feeling just the same.

"It's already been two months."

"Yeah..."

It is all we say while we make our way to Justin's grave. There are some fresh flowers, some cards, and some candles on top of it, and Sonny bends down to clean up the used candles. He is biting his bottom lip while reading the stone, holding my hand just a little bit tighter. He suddenly turns to me and hugs me close:

"I miss him Will."

"Me too honey."

"Especially for those little things, you know... those things and those moments I always took for granted...like how he would come into the coffee house after closing just to catch up... or how he could laugh at something stupid... how he wanted all his drinks in a mug refusing to use glass for anything... you know... the little things I miss the most..."

His voice is soft and sad, and I rub comforting circles on his back. And suddenly I feel him smile against my neck:

"Have I ever told you about the time I took uncle Vic's limo?"

"No...tell me..."

"I have never seen him so angry in my life... I just got my driver's license and I was invited to this party. And me and my friends wanted to arrive in style, but we couldn't afford to hire a limo, so I figured I could drive uncle Vic's limo and take all of us to the party in style without having to pay for it."

"You didn't."

"Yep, I did. I drove the thing to the party, and we got out being cool and everything. And then I was publicly humiliated when my dad and uncle Vic showed up, escorting me away in front of everybody."

"What did they do to you..."

"They were so angry... but uncle Vic left it to my dad to deal with, although he didn't speak to me for two weeks. And my dad gave me the longest speech ever, grounded me for a month, and took my driver's license for three months."

"Great party, that was..."

"Yeah...not so much."

He is still smiling, as I can feel the curve of his lips against my skin. I decide to ask him the question I have been wanting to ask for a long time:

"What was he like when you came out to him, we never really talked about that..."

He lets go of me and pulls me down with him while he sits down on the grass. He bites his lip for a second and then looks at me:

"You know I knew for sure I was gay since I was about fourteen...but I told my parents when I was eighteen...My mum was watching a talk show, I'm not sure which one, but it was about a guy and his parents talking about him coming out... and my dad and I were playing some kind of cards game, but we could hear the discussion on TV...And the guy said something like: everyone has to live their own truth... and I said out loud: Yeah... and my parents sort of looked at me and I turn bright red... And then my mum said I could tell them anything... so I said: I like boys more than I like girls... and that was that... and they were great and said they loved me no matter what... although they did have to get used to it... but they did in time... get used to it, I mean."

"How..."

"I don't know... they just did... my mum would always point at a girl and say: she is pretty... and one day she pointed at a guy and said: he is cute."

"So was he?"

"What?"

"The guy, was he cute..."

"Very cute... he had dimples and curly hair..."

"You still remember all that? You must have liked him."

He looks at me as if I am crazy, but for some reason I am suddenly slightly jealous of the guy with the dimples and the curly hair.

"Will... you are kidding me right?"

"What, I am just asking..."

"OK, I'll just answer then... as much as I like dimples and curly hair... I prefer blond, blue eyed adorably cute guys... so..."

I smile and don't understand why I suddenly felt jealous and insecure. I lean in and steal a quick kiss before I ask:

"So what about your dad?"

"Him getting used to it was a bit slower I guess...but one day... uh... we were just friends back then and I could not find you and you were not answering your phone. And I got really worried and I was looking for you. I ran into him, all worried and stressed, and he realised how much you mean to me... and he helped me to find you, that's when he seemed to have completely accepted it"

He shuffles towards me and puts his legs on either side of me, sliding his arms around my waist. I lean back and cover his hands with mine. He takes a deep breath:

"I really miss him..."

(...)

I come home after a long day at university and I sort of expect Sonny to be waiting with dinner. He had a day off and normally he makes sure to have dinner ready by the time I come home. But this time I smell nothing while trying to find my key to open the door to the apartment. When I finally find it and open door, I see my husband in his sweats on the couch with his laptop in front of him. His credit card is lying on the floor, as well as both our passports.

"Hi honey..."

"Hi..."

I lean over him and kiss him softly on his lips. He seems distracted and his eyes stay focussed on the screen. I decide to follow his example and put on some sweats and a comfortable sweater, and then I walk up to the couch determined to find out what has him so distracted he can't even focus on me when I am kissing him.

"What are you doing babe..."

"Give me two minutes and I will explain it all..."

He is typing away and I grab some drinks from the fridge. He finishes his typing, puts his laptop on the floor, stands up and walks over to me. Before I know it his hands are locked behind my neck, his lips are firmly on mine and his tongue is licking my bottom lip. I don't hesitate and let him in so he can deepen the kiss. My elbows lean on his shoulders and my hands are going through his hair. I don't know where this is coming from, but I am not complaining. I moan softly as I feel his tongue stroking mine, and I don't care that the kiss becomes more and more sloppy and wet. When he lets go he leans back so he can look at me and his smile lands straight into my heart. I pull him towards me so we can continue what we started, but he pulls away:

"I want to tell you what I was doing..."

He drags me to the couch and sits me down. He lays the laptop on my legs and sits down next to me, leaning his full body weight into mine. Several tabs are open and I start with the first one which says 'What to do in London'. The second one shows a confirmation of booked flights, and the third one shows a confirmation of a hotel booking for ten days.

"Son... what is this?"

"What do you think..."

"Are you serious..."

"We said we would postpone the honeymoon, not forget about it... and I say we have postponed it long enough."

"Sonny..."

"And you always said you wanted to see London... the Big Ben, the Tower Bridge, Covent Garden... so I will take you there honey..."

I don't know what to say and just click between the tabs to get my head around this.

"You are taking me to London... on our honeymoon...?"

"I definitely am..."

"We are going to London...?"

"We definitely are..."

I drop the laptop on the floor and lean over my husband to continue what we started earlier. I just have to kiss him... I don't know how else to show him how happy I am with his sweet surprise. I move from his lips to his neck and softly kiss a trail to his ear while whispering softly:

"I... Love... You."

His hands cup my face and turn it up so we look at each other. His voice is deep and sexy when he says:

"You better finish what you are starting here..."

I just smile at him and sit myself down in his lap. His hands rest on my hips and his eyes change from chocolate brown into almost black. I unbutton his shirt while I softly lick his jaw line:

"Don't worry baby, I have every intention to finish this"

(...)

"That was amazing..."

"Yeah... it really was..."

We are still on the couch... or clothes are scattered around the floor and his naked body is covering mine as a human blanket. My hands are still roaming his olive skin, enjoying the soft smooth feeling against my finger tips. Our breathing and our heart beats slowly calm down and I feel how his body becomes soft and relaxed in my arms.

"You feel so good."

I whisper the words, feeling a bit clumsy saying it like this. But he lifts his head up, smiles his blinding smile at me and puts his head back on my chest.

"Will..."

"Yeah..."

"I want to open the package now..."

I remember the package that arrived about two weeks ago and is still hiding behind the curtains in our bedroom.

"Are you sure honey?"

"Yeah... I'm sure..."

"OK... you want me to get it?"

"Hmmmmm"

We slowly disentangle and put our boxers back on. I walk into our bedroom to get the package and when I come back Sonny has cleared the kitchen table. I lay it down and look at him:

"OK, whenever you're ready..."

He hesitates, I can see the sadness in his eyes again. I walk over to him and pull him in my arms.

"It is OK to be sad honey... and it is OK to not open it if you want to wait longer..."

"I know... I do want to open it though... but..."

"But what sweety..."

"I might cry..."

I pull him in closer and softly stroke the small of his back:

"Then I will take care of you... you know that right..."

"Yeah, I do..."

He is not ready yet and just leans into my body while locking his arms around my waist. I just let him take his time and suddenly he lets go and he walks over to the table. His hands are shaking slightly when he carefully opens the box. He stops halfway to look at me and I smile to encourage him:

"I'm right here honey..."

He takes a deep breath and takes out a large canvas. He holds it carefully while walking over to the couch. He sets it up against the back of the couch and then stands next to me while we look at it. He reaches over and grabs my hand. When I look at him I see that tears are about to roll over his cheeks. He tries to swallow them back, but they seem to heavy and slowly find their way down. I put my arms around his waist, rest my head against his and hold him close while we just stand there and look at the canvas. His voice shakes when he softly says:

"It's great..."

I just nod, unable to say something. He walks towards it and softly touches the material while taking a deep breath. He picks it up and caries it to the wall where we already fitted a nail for it. He puts it up and smiles through his tears:

"Perfect..."

Justin's bright smile is lightening up our living room. We spent hours searching through Sonny's photo set to find the perfect picture of him. We sent for it to be printed on a large size canvas together with the words of his speech:

"_Look after each other in the good and bad times. Let other people see the real you and let them take care of you, comfort you, be your strength when you need someone to lean on. And never turn away when someone is asking for your help."_

I stand behind Sonny and put my arms around his waist and lean my chin on his shoulders:

"Absolutely perfect."


	11. Chapter 11

**Will's POV**

I don't like flying. I actually hate it, really hate it. But here I am, checking in to fly all the way to London. I am so nervous I can't really focus so Sonny is pushing me across the airport, pointing at my passport or my boarding pass when I have to have it ready. I just follow him, knowing that he will take care of me.

"Let's get some coffee honey..."

We enter a starbucks, and buy our coffees at the counter. Sonny pushes me towards an empty table and sits down next to me. His right hand rubs my thigh and I suddenly feel his lips brush my cheek.

"What was that for?"

"I just love you..."

We both smile, and I can see in his eyes that he really wants to tease me for being so scared. So I decide to give him an opportunity to get it out of his system:

"You can laugh at me if you want to..."

"Why would I laugh at you..."

My eyes say enough apparently because he continues as soon as I look at him:

"OK, I just have never seen you like this, all nervous and scared... It's cute babe..."

"There is nothing cute about this Sonny... we are about to sit down in a plane that goes up in the air... there is just nothing cute about this..."

"OK honey... don't worry, you're still my hero... and just so you know... I will take care of you...even when we are in a plane that goes up in the air"

"I know."

I don't care we are surrounded by people and I kiss my man full on his lips.

"We are on our honeymoon baby..."

"We definitely are... so I think you owe me one more kiss..."

I lean into him again and repeat my firm kiss. The way he responds makes me slightly dizzy, and when we part, his brown eyes are locked onto mine. I forget all about the flight, and my fears... and I just take a deep breath while never breaking our eye contact. His hands lets go of my thigh and moves his hand to my back. My hands push my coffee mug away and one hand dives into his hair. He smiles and I smile back knowing that the coming ten days I can do this as much as I want.

(...)

I try to focus on the stewardess pointing me the emergency exits, but I also try to not listen to all these scary scenario's. I squeeze Sonny's hand tightly and look out of the window. Many people complain about sitting so close to ones neighbour while in an airplane, but I am just thankful because it means I am pressed against Sonny all the time. He is looking at the leaflet with safety information and I grab it and put it back in the little bag hanging on the chair in front of him.

"Don't jinx it..."

"What?"

"Nothing is going to happen, so we don't need to know all this stuff."

"Will... you do need to know all this stuff... and you need to calm down."

"We are almost going up Sonny, this is not the time to calm down."

"Baby, don't look out of the window... just look at me."

I turn my head and my eyes meet his. I can't help the thump of my heart, and I lean my head against the backrest while looking into his chocolate brown eyes.

"Have I ever told you that you have the most perfect eyes?"

He smiles and I continue without a second thought:

"And the most perfect smile... and your mouth is great... your lips are all soft and..."

A guy in front of us turns around and is clearly irritated:

"Get a room, will ya."

Sonny just smiles a little wider and I take a deep breath. I don't have to continue because I am pretty sure he can read it all in my eyes. He always says my heart and soul are in my eyes, and that they always tell him how I feel. I suddenly realise we have already taken off and we are now in the air. I lean into him and put my head on his shoulder, never letting go of his hand. He leans his head against mine and I feel myself relax against him.

"You OK?"

I just nod against his shoulder:

"As long as you are taking care of me I am just fine."

(...)

I cannot belief how many pictures I have already taken. We have been here three days and we have been sightseeing all around London. We have seen the Tower bridge, taken a boat trip , been to Trafalgar Square, walked around in Buckingham Palace, been to Covent Garden, and have enjoyed the friendly atmosphere in this gorgeous city. We are now relaxing in Hyde Park and I am perfectly happy with the whole world. I am leaning against a tree and Sonny is leaning with his back and head against my chest. I am reading a book I bought yesterday and he is just staring at the blue sky and looking at people passing by.

"I am happy Will..."

"Me too honey..."

My hand goes through his hair and makes it even messier than it already was.

"Will..."

"Hmmm."

"I wish I could tell my dad about this... that he could see how happy I am... you know."

"I know baby..."

"Do you think it will ever not hurt anymore? Missing him?"

I put my book in the grass and put my hand on his chest, while my other hand never stops messing with his hair. I look into his eyes and see how he looks at me expectantly.

"I think you will always miss him honey... but I think the pain will go away eventually... you loved him very much and there will always be moments in your life you wish you could share with him... and it's OK to be sad about that honey... but I do think time will take away the sharp pain that you have been feeling since he died."

His eyes are watery, but he is not crying. He just looks back at the sky and takes a deep breath:

"He may not now about this moment, but he knew how happy I was with you... I am glad he knows who I am spending the rest of my life with... you know?"

I lean forward and kiss him tenderly:

"Sweety, he loved you so much... you know that right."

"Yeah."

His answer is a whisper and his hands cover mine that is still laying on his chest. He closes his eyes and I just look at his beautiful face, admiring his dark long eyelashes. I have known that he is very handsome since the moment I met him, but each time I look at him he becomes more beautiful in my eyes. I know it is because I see his gorgeous personality shining through, and that is even better than his looks. Which means something, because he looks amazing. I smile and he opens one eye when asking:

"Why are you smiling..."

"Nothing..."

"Tell me Will... are you laughing about me..."

"No honey, I was laughing because I just am crazy about you."

I am not sure whether he is entirely convinced, but he closes his eyes again, tapping the back of my hand while saying softly:

"You better..."

(...)

We are standing in line for the London Eye. I cannot believe I am doing this, but Sonny promised he would make it up to me. And when he wiggled his eyebrows I knew what he meant, so I just couldn't refuse. He did promise me several times he will look after me, and then he told me that no-one has ever died in the London Eye. I then tried to postpone our trip, suggesting we should look that up to be sure, but he just dragged me towards the line and now we are almost at the front of it. He turns to me and I fall in love just a little bit more when I see his childlike enthusiasm:

"It is almost our turn."

"Now who is cute..."

"What?"

"You said I was cute being scared of flying, but you are cute being all childish about going into an attraction. You know... we should be doing grown-up things... like go to that museum at Trafalgar Square."

"We will, but now we are doing this... and you will love it honey... I promise."

"I won't, but all I know is that you owe me, you owe me big and I will make sure you will repay this in full..."

"I am pretty sure it will be my pleasure William."

I can't help but blush when I look into his eyes. He leans forward and kisses me softly:

"Stop blushing because I might just drag you back to our hotel room right now."

"Believe me Sonny, I am the last one to stop you from doing that."

He smiles and looks at me with a hint of empathy:

"I will hold you all the time and I will take care of you, OK?"

"OK... but you do not play fair... you know?"

"What?"

"You use your big brown eyes and then you promise me great sex... how is any man supposed to resist that..."

"I just use what I've got babe..."

A man is gesturing us to take a seat in the little cabin. It is just the two of us and we are on our way. And he is keeping his promise. His arms are around my waist and my back is flush against his chest. I lean back into him and feel myself relax from the warmth of his body. He is enthusiastically pointing at buildings and I just listen to him talk about the ones we have seen and the ones he wants to visit later during our trip. The whole thing goes slowly, but I am comfortable and just so in love, and before I know it we are supposed to get out again.

"See, that was fun, wasn't it..."

"Yeah... that was fun..."

"I told you so..."

"And the best part is, that even though it was fun, you will have to make this up to me... and that will be even more fun..."

He smiles brightly and squeezes my hand:

"Wow, your mind is only focussed on one thing..."

"Well babe, this is our honeymoon... I am allowed to be focussed on certain things during our honeymoon..."

He is now laughing and he pulls me towards him in the middle of the pavement. His hands cup my face and his lips are on mine. I feel his breath on my face when he says softly:

"William Horton, you make me very happy."

I try to breath, but his words leave me absolutely breathless. Nonetheless I manage to whisper back:

"I love you so much."

(...)

I look at all the little stuff that seems utterly useless to me and just follow Sonny around. He insisted on getting souvenirs for most of our family members and dragged me into one of the souvenir shops that is packed with things I would never want to have. Sonny however, is busy finding things for everyone, and even though he says everything in the form of a question, he is not really waiting for answer. Not that I mind, because I don't really have an answer anyway. I just listen to him sorting this out:

"Right... I have that tea box for my mum, a bag for your mum, pens and notebooks for your brothers and sisters, a mouse mat for your dad..."

He looks around and grabs another tea box:

"That one is for Maggie and uncle Vic..."

By now I feel like I'm a trolley because he is just pilling it up in my arms. I decide to give my opinion:

"Sonny sweety, do you really think this is necessary?"

"Of course Will... this is what you do when you visit a country on the other side of the world."

I know that I will never win this so I brace myself for more load to carry while we slowly make our way through the shop.

"Oh, and I will get you a sweater from London."

He is standing in front of a shelf with sweaters in all sorts of different colours, with London printed on the front.

"Sonny... I don't need a sweater..."

"I'm gonna buy you one anyway Will..."

"Why..."

He turns around and looks at me:

"Because I like you in red... and you don't have a red sweater... so I am getting you a red sweater."

I can't help but blush a little and mumble softly:

"In that case... get yourself a blue one..."

He smiles and turn back to the shelf:

"Your wish is my command babe..."

We walk passed the mugs and I see Sonny stare at them.

"Who do you want to get a mug for..."

I don't get an answer straight away but when he turns his eyes to me I know his answer:

"My dad... he always used mugs..."

"Honey..."

He sighs and turns away from the mugs. We walk up to the counter and I put everything down. I cannot believe I am about to buy this amount of useless things. But when I see how important this is to my sweet husband, I do not hesitate for one moment when I swipe my credit card. If buying useless things makes him happy I will buy as much of it as he wants.

(...)

Were back at the airport, checking to go back home. The ten days have gone too quickly, and I am not really ready to go back yet. These past days of utter happiness have brought us even closer and I can honestly say I love him more every day. His hand is holding mine firmly and I know he will not let go unless he has to. I am just as nervous as on our way here, and he is just as sweet as he was then. We both stare at the board to find our flight and when I read it is an hour delayed I am happy and sad at the same time. Happy I do not have to board yet, and sad because I am only postponing it. Eventually I will have to get onto the plane.

"You want a massage to relax?"

"What?"

Sonny is pointing at enormous black chairs where people can be massaged. I shake my head and for a moment forget about my nerves, feeling back into the honeymoon spirit:

"When we are back home, and we have survived all this, you can massage me..."

"Deal... it will give you something to think about when you are all nervous, and it will give me something to look forward to."

We both smiles and I squeeze his hand. He pulls us towards some comfortable chairs and sits us close together when he says:

"I have had the best time ever, Will..."

"Me too Sonny..."

"Marrying you was the best thing I have ever done..."

I nod and smile. His eyes are all soft while looking at me and I wish we could stay here just a little bit longer. I decide to give it a try:

"Let's just reschedule our flight... stay a day longer... I'm not ready to go back yet..."

"I wish we could honey... but it is too expensive... and I have to work, and you have to study..."

"I know... I just... I really love you...

"I love you too..."

His eyes wonder to the board and he pulls me up and drags me to the gate. I guess this time there is no escaping anymore and I have to get back into a plane. I immediately go back to the position that helped me last time. Leaning into Sonny, putting my head on his shoulder and squeezing his hand. He kisses my hair and I feel his lips curl into a smile:

"I still think you are cute babe..."

I smile, close my eyes, and wait for the stewardesses to do their demonstration. When Sonny is looking at the leaflet again I sit up and look at him:

"Seriously Sonny... don't you know by now what to do, you must have read it a hundred times during all your travels."

"Yeah... but I want to know what I am doing if something happens."

"Nothing is going to happen..."

"Of course not, but just in case..."

"Shut up Sonny... there is no just in case... there can't be a just in case because I might freak out."

"Baby, calm down and look into my eyes again... everything will be fine."

I stare into his eyes during the rest of the demonstration, during takeoff and during the first thirty minutes of the flight. The plane makes some weird movements and I try not to worry about it as Sonny says it is just turbulence. But when the pilot suddenly speaks through the microphone I am stressed out:

"We would like for all of you to stay calm, everything is under control, but we will have to make an emergency stop at Amsterdam Airport. We are preparing for landing, please remain seated and tighten your seatbelt. We thank you for your co-operation."

I look at Sonny and cannot hide the panic in my eyes. His eyes are slightly worried but it still calms me down to stare into them.

"He says it is under control sweety, just calm down."

I put my head back on his shoulder, but almost immediately jump up when the plane seems to fall down.

"Sonny..."

"It is just turbulence, calm down honey..."

But I hear that I am not the only one worried about this and all around a panicky state seems to take a hold of everyone. We now loose height quickly and I just hope there is a runway nearby and that this very fast way of landing is normal for emergence stops. I take a deep breath to brace myself for whatever is going to happen. I squeeze Sonny's hand and look into his beautiful brown eyes one more time. For some reason I feel the need to say:

"I love you honey..."

His eyes show that he is now as worried as I am. The plane still seems to fall down from the sky towards the earth as if the pilot has lost all control, and his answer is coming quickly:

"I love you too..."

And then everything is black...


	12. Chapter 12

**Will's POV**

When I open my eyes I look straight into the eyes of a paramedic. I feel an oxygen mask on my face and I am strapped to a stretcher. I try to orientate myself, but the paramedic helps me out before I can scan my environment:

"My name is Mark, I'm a paramedic... you were in a plane crash and we are now in an ambulance to take you to the nearest hospital in Amsterdam."

My eyes stay focussed on his and I try to wrap my head around all the information. But before I can think about it he continues:

"You might feel a bit short of breath, I think you have a collapsed lung... but the doctors at the hospital will do a full exam..."

I close my eyes for a while because I need him to stop talking so I can process everything: A plane crash, an ambulance, hospital, a collapsed lung... I squeeze my hand, expecting Sonny's hand to be there and squeeze me back. But suddenly I realise no-one is holding my hand. I immediately panic, move my hands up trying to push the oxygen mask from my face. My eyes are wide open and I try to tell Mark about the one person I need to be alright. Mark reaches over and lifts up the oxygen mask:

"Calm down... what is the matter..."

"Sonny... Sonny..."

My voice is a broken whisper and Mark has to bend down to hear what I am saying.

"Sonny? Is that your name?"

"No..."

He is really trying to understand me, but my chest hurts, and breathing hurts and not just because of the possible collapsed lung. It feels as though someone is strangling me and I try again to tell Mark, hoping he will know about Sonny and that he will tell me that Sonny is absolutely fine:

"Sonny... Sonny... my husband..."

"Sonny is your husband?"

"Yeah..."

I try to breath, find some oxygen, while squeezing the words out of my throat. My question is in my eyes and almost immediately I feel defeated when he looks down, avoiding my eyes when he answers me:

"I don't know Will... I am so sorry..."

He doesn't know. It feels as though someone of 30 stone just sat down on my chest. I grab my throat with both hand, and start shaking and sweating.

"Calm down... we will look after you, and then we will look for Sonny... calm down."

I look into his eyes and try to calm myself down. I follow his breathing instructions and feel my pounding heart slow down slightly. I close my eyes and start praying, unable to do anything else.

"We are almost at the hospital... just keep breathing..."

The car stops moving and the doors open. Mark immediately starts talking to someone I cannot see and they wheel me out of the car. Someone, I presume a doctor, bends over to look into my eyes:

"Hi there, I am Robin, I'm a doctor... I will look after you OK?"

When Mark has told the doctor everything he knows he leans over to me:

"Hang in there OK?"

I reach out and grab his wrist:

"Sonny..."

"I'll look for him... what's your name..."

"Will, my name is Will..."

"OK Will, I'll do my very best."

And then he is gone, and a team of doctors and nurses are gathered around my bed. Doctor Robin keeps talking to everyone, telling them what to do and after a while he looks into my eyes:

"Will... you have a collapsed lung and your appendix burst, we are going to take you up to surgery, OK?"

I nod and try to keep myself together.

"Will, you OK?"

I look into the doctors eyes and feel how one tear falls down my temple into my hair:

"Sonny... my husband... he sat next to me... where is he..."

"I am so sorry Will, I don't know, but while you are in surgery we will try to find out for you, OK?"

I want to scream, and throw something because everyone tells me they will do their best, but I don't think they understand how important this is. That I need Sonny, because I don't know how to breathe without him. I don't know how to live without him, and all they seem to do is make empty promises. A nurse reaches for my hand and squeezes is slightly:

"Will... look at me..."

I look into her eyes and see her concern for me:

"Don't lose hope... they will do everything they can for Sonny... and for you."

"OK."

I close my eyes and repeat her words in my mind as a mantra: don't lose hope, don't lose hope, don't lose hope. I focus on my breathing and suddenly I see his face behind my closed eyelids. His beautiful face, and his dark hair. It is so real I can almost touch it. I feel myself calm down and I whisper softly:

"We'll be alright Sonny... we'll be alright."

(...)

I wake up slowly and try to open my eyes. The light is bright and I blink several times to get adjusted to it. My throat feels dry and when I when I become aware of the rest of my body, I feel a tube in my chest. I try to cough and from the corner of my eye I see a nurse coming my way. She smiles when she sees me:

"Welcome back... you just had surgery, and it all went well... there is tube in your chest, but that is just for a while and then the doctors will remove it again..."

She reaches over and tries to give me some water. When my throat feels better I look at her and whisper:

"Sonny..."

"Sorry?"

"Sonny... did they find him..."

"Was Sonny also on the plane? Is he your friend?"

"He was sitting next to me, and he is my husband..."

"Right, well Will I will ring A&E and see if they know where he is."

"Thank you."

"Will... do you have a phone number of someone we should contact, family members?"

I close my eyes and try to focus on phone numbers. I give her my mum's number, as well as Adrienne's number, but before she can turn around I whisper again:

"Please find Sonny..."

"I'll try Will, I promise..."

"The crash... are many people... hurt?"

I am not sure if I want to know the answer, but I only remember little things. I look into her kind eyes and see that she is not sure whether she should tell me. But my eyes must be determined because she takes deep breath:

"Yes Will, many people are... hurt. People are sent to four different hospitals... and there are still people on the site."

She reaches over to grab my hand and she smiles again:

"My name is Evelien... do you know you are in Amsterdam? The plane had to make an emergency landing here..."

I suddenly remember the pilots words through the speakers, and I am now able to place the accent of paramedic Mark, doctor Robin, and nurse Evelien.

"Thank you Evelien..."

She walks away and I try to go back to sleep. As soon as I close my eyes I see him again. His smile is blinding me and I take a deep breath. I try to remember every moment we enjoyed on the London Eye. I try to remember his arms around me and my body pressed into his. I think about him enthusiastic talking, and how intense happy I was. I can't help but whisper softly:

"Please be OK... please be OK."

(...)

When I wake up again nurse Evelien is sitting next to my bed writing some notes in a file that is likely to be mine. When I stir she looks up and stands up so she can look me in the eyes:

"Are you OK?"

"Water?"

She gives me a sip of water and when she puts it back on the table she smiles and reaches for my hand:

"Will..."

"Yeah..."

"I rung around to find Sonny for you."

My heart stops and the heavy feeling in my chest is back. But she just continues while I struggle to process everything she says:

"You are at the University hospital in Amsterdam, Sonny is in the University Medical Centre in Utrecht... He is injured, but there is no life threatening danger... he broke some ribs, and there was some trauma to his stomach, his left leg is broken and he has a subdural hematoma, but with time the body will clear that up by itself. But he obviously needs time to recover..."

I am crying... and I suddenly feel like I can breathe again. I understand he is hurt, and I hate that, but he is OK... HE IS OK. I squeeze her hand, unable to say anything. She smiles again:

"You're welcome Will..."

She reaches in her pocket to pull out a piece of paper with a number on it and pulls the phone towards me. She dials a number and hold the phone against my ear. I reach up and take over and my heart starts pounding as if it wants to rip my chest apart, when I hear a soft voice at the other end:

"Will..."

"Sonny... Sonny..."

"Are you OK honey? Please tell me you're OK..."

"A collapsed lung and a burst appendix which is all fixed... and you baby, I just heard from the nurse..."

"Don't worry about me honey, I'll be OK... I wish you were here though..."

"Me too baby, as soon as I can I am on my way, OK?"

"Yeah..."

"Are you in pain Sonny, and be honest..."

"Yeah, mainly my ribs... but it's OK Will, I will be OK, I promise."

"You better be OK Sonny... I can't lose you... I just can't..."

"Shhhh, You are stuck with me forever honey, I love you... I love you so much..."

I am crying and try to do it soundless so I won't worry Sonny. But, of course, he knows it:

"You're crying baby... please stop crying..."

"I'm sorry... I just am happy you're OK... you're alive... I didn't know where you were and... I just love you so much..."

He has to hang up the phone because a doctor wants to examine him. We say our sweet goodbyes and promise to call again later today. I just let my tears roll down, letting relief and happiness wash over me while I whisper softly:

"I love you Sonny..."

(...)

I shake the doctors hand and then the nurses'. I thank them for everything they have done for me, and I struggle to find the words to express my gratitude. They seem to understand though and I walk towards the main entrance of the hospital. I quickly find a taxi and ask the driver to take me to the University Medical Centre in Utrecht. I lean back in the chair and close my eyes. This drive is already taking too long, my patience is gone and I can't wait any longer to see my husband and hold him in my arms. We have spoken on the phone so many times, but I just need to see him and feel him to feel complete again. The taxi driver asks me where I am from and I try to engage in the conversation, but I find it hard to focus. Then he parks his car in front of a hospital and he nods:

"Here we are..."

I thank him and walk into the building, towards the reception. They are helpful and before I know it I am in the elevator, only minutes away from Sonny. I feel my heart pounding, I am slightly out of breath and I am shaking with anticipation. When I walk onto the ward a nurse walks towards me asking if she can help me:

"I am here for Sonny... Jackson Kiriakis."

"Oh... you must be Will."

"Yes I am..."

"He will be happy to see you... he is always talking about you. Common I will show you to his room."

I follow her and walk through the door she holds open. As soon as I pass her she closes the door behind me and suddenly I have a flash back to the ICU, when I visited Sonny after his surgery. Then he was sleeping... now he is wide awake and smiling at me. His brown eyes are soft and sweet and his hand stretches out to urge me to come closer. I smile back, and feel like I have to work to get my feet to move. But once they move I am next to his bed in a heartbeat. I catch his hand in mine and bend over to kiss him on his mouth. He smiles into the kiss, squeezing my hand as he always does. When I let go of his soft lips we both laugh. He is the first one to speak:

"You're finally here... "

"I cup his head between my hands in look into his eyes:

"How are you baby?"

"I'm alri..."

"Don't say you are alright... how are you... just be honest..."

"Wow, you are bosy... OK then I will tell you... my ribs hurt, the cast around my leg is annoying, my scan this morning showed that the hematoma is smaller than a few days ago, and the doctor says that my stomach surgery went well and the incision is healing nicely... so I am happy with everything except my ribs..."

I lean forward and kiss him again, unable to express my relief any other way.

"And your lung babe, and you surgery wound?"

"I'm fine sweety, they discharged me remember?"

"Yeah, just rub it in..."

I look at my gorgeous boyfriend in his hospital bed and I look at the door which is still closed. I gesture for him to move to the side and he frowns when I put my jacket and bags in a chair.

"What are you doing."

I move his cast leg to one side and help him move his upper body, feeling a bit guilty for making him move when I see the pain in his face:

"Sorry baby..."

"Just tell me why I am doing this..."

I take my shoes of and walk around to the other side of the bed. I lift the blanket and carefully position my body against his. I let his back rest against my chest and my arm hugs his waist.

"Am I hurting you... or is this OK..."

He just sighs.

"Sonny, tell me, am I hurting you..."

He smiles and I kiss his cheek softly:

"No Will, you never hurt me... this is just what I need."

I rest my head against his and kiss his temple while nuzzling my nose in his hair. He leans his body weight into mine and I realise that this feeling is now so familiar to me, it feels like this is how we should be. He closes his eyes and softly says:

"I guess I owe you a massage..."

"What?"

"On the airport... you said I could massage you if we would survive the flight... I guess we did survice... so I will give you a massage... you might have to wait a while... but I will definitely do it at some point baby."

I laugh softly, laying my face close to his. I look at his perfect face, the long eye lashes and his beautiful lips slightly curled into a smile:

"I can wait... I'm pretty sure it will be worth it."

His fingers intertwine with mine and he uses his other hand to stroke my arm:

"I guess we did extend our honeymoon..."

"Not in the way I was hoping for though..."

"Will?"

"Yeah..."

"I have never been so scared in my life. I woke up at the hospital after surgery and I asked for them to find you and they couldn't... I was so afraid... you know..."

I feel his body tense from the emotions that seem to come rushing back. I just hold him close and whisper sweet things in his ear to calm him down. He is trembling slightly and I move my body just a little bit closer towards his.

"Don't ever leave me Will.. I don't..."

"Hey now... I am not going anywhere Sonny... I love you..."

"I know you do... my father loved me Will and he left... and I was this close to losing you... I need you to be safe alright?"

I kiss his temple again and wish I could carry him towards a shower to calm him down. But his injuries won't allow me to do that, so I have to calm him down without the warm comforting steam and water.

"Sonny, baby... we both know things can happen... but I promise, I will never leave you if I can help it... I promise sweety..."

"OK."

He wipes his cheeks and takes a deep breath. His ribs prevent him from rolling towards me so he just pouts his lips at me, asking for a kiss. I sit up slightly so I can bend over him. I capture his lips in a searing, breathtaking kiss, letting my tongue roam around in his mouth, and letting his tongue explore mine. When I let him go he smiles again:

"You are one good kisser William Horton-Kiriakis."

I smile and whisper softly in his ear, letting my breath give him goose bumps:

"That pouting you do makes me lose all my self control... be careful when you use that..."

He laughs:

"I know... it is one of my not so secret weapons."

"One of them? What are the others..."

"Well, like you already spotted at the London Eye, my big brown eyes and promising you amazing sex..."

"Are there any others?"

"I am not going to tell you because I still want to use them... you will figure them out eventually I guess..."

"That's OK, I have weapons of my own..."

"Do you now..."

"Yep, and I am not telling you..."

"You don't have to because I know them."

I lean up again so I can look into his beautiful brown eyes.

"Really..."

"Yes I do... you use your big blue eyes, your lopsided smile, the way you bite your bottom lip, the way you hold my head or my neck as if I belong to you..."

"Wow, you do have me figured out..."

"I know... and just for the record... I love each and every one of them... and even though I know them they still work"

I smile against his cheek and move my head slightly when he is pouting again. I kiss him softly, tenderly, trying to show him how much he means to me. When we finish the kiss I let my lips rest against his, enjoying to breath the same air. I feel breathless when I say:

"You are OK..."

His lips kiss mine quickly and lever lose touch of them when he whispers back:

"And you are OK..."

I close my eyes and nuzzle his nose with mine and listen to his soft voice:

"We belong together babe... not even a plane crash can tear us apart."

**I admit I was a bit mean... so I owed you a quick update to make it up to you and since I had the day off I actually had the time to do it... I look forward to your opinions... and if you have suggestions or requests, things you always wanted Will and Sonny to do, let me know... I have no idea yet what to do for the next chapter so every suggestion is welcome!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Dear readers/followers/reviewers, I can't help it... they are just too cute and the stories just come rolling out of me. Thanks to Chandler and Freddie for portraying these two characters in a way that makes it easy to write stories for them. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! **

**Will's POV**

We just arrived at the mansion. We were both given some medication to calm us down and let us sleep during the flight home, and because of Sonny's injuries we were picked up by an ambulance when we arrived at the airport, to take us to the mansion. Adrienne insisted that we would stay there for a while so we could both take time to recover and relax, not having to worry about cooking, cleaning, and laundry. We all know that she also just want to have us close for a while and we are happy to stay at the mansion for a couple of days, and perhaps even a couple of weeks. The paramedics are helping Sonny to get comfortable on the couch and I hug Adrienne close. She squeezes me tight and I feel she is crying.

"We're alright Adrienne..."

"I know... thank God."

I stroke her back and let her hold me close for a while. She calms down and when she lets go she smiles at me:

"I'm going to take care of you two for a couple of days..."

I nod and watch her turn around to Sonny, who is lying on the couch, still a bit drowsy from the calming medication in combination with his regular pain relief. His leg is still in a cast and he told me this morning his ribs are still hurting. She leans over to kiss him on his cheek, squeezing his hands tightly:

"I wish I could hug you, but I don't want to hurt you honey..."

"Thanks mum... it's good to see you..."

"And you Sonny, I am so happy you are OK..."

She turns round to me and smiles again:

"And you as well Will... I am so glad you're alright."

She takes a deep breath to let go of all the emotions, and then she just starts mothering:

"Did you bring any laundry? And Will, let me show you to your room so you can get settled... and I will ask the cook to start dinner..."

I look at Sonny and we just smile. Without a sound his lips form the words: I love you, and I just smile at him. Then I turn around to follow Adrienne to our bedroom, which is on the ground floor so Sonny doesn't have to use the stairs. I put our bag on the floor and watch Adrienne while she fusses over the bed linen and the en-suite bathroom.

"Adrienne... this is great... thank you..."

"Only the best for you two."

When I look into her eyes I see that she wants to say something so I just wait for her to find the words. When she does her voice trembles slightly and she wrings her hands together:

"I was so worried... I heard on the news about the plane... and I knew you two were in it, but no-one rang me with information... and I had no idea where I could find information regarding passengers. When they finally rang me from the hospital with information about you, and later about Sonny... I felt like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders...

She avoids my eyes when she continues softly:

"Losing Justin is still hard to live with... I need the two of you to be alright..."

I walk over to her and give her another hug. I feel how she is trembling against my chest and suddenly I realise we are her closest family, now that Justin is gone. I hold her close and say:

"We'll stay here for a while and enjoy you looking after us..."

"I'd like that..."

We let go and she wipes her tears from her face. She looks at me one more time and then walks out of the room promising she will call me when dinner is ready. I grab our bags and start unpacking. Although the plane made a very rough emergence landing, injuring many people, a few days later they rang us saying that most of our luggage was intact and ready for collecting. I picked it up after I was discharged and found three of the four bags we took with us. When I open the first one I find all our souvenirs and I can't help smiling remembering how Sonny carefully selected gifts for all our loved ones. I pull out two sweaters, one in red and one in blue, and lay it on a chair. The rest of the souvenirs I leave in the bag as we will unpack it bit by bit when we meet our family. Only the tea for Adrienne I take out, so I can give that during dinner tonight. I put all of our toiletries in the bathroom and look at the comfortable bath in the corner. Perhaps this bath might come in useful at some point...

(...)

Adrienne just went upstairs to go to bed, and I look at Sonny, who is still lying on the couch. We had a lovely dinner with just the three of us, although we all tried to avoid the empty fourth chair, remembering the dinners we had together just after Justin was diagnosed. Sonny has been quiet this evening and I know it is because he is missing his father.

"Sonny, baby... let's go to bed..."

He nods and lets me help him of the couch. Slowly he puts his arm around my chest, and I know this is painful for him because it puts extra pressure on his ribs. I hold his hips and slowly we go over to our bedroom. When I help him to sit down on the bed he breathes out slowly and I see the pain written on his face.

"You want some painkillers before you go to sleep?"

"Yeah... just some paracetamol will be OK."

I get the tablets from the bathroom and help him getting undressed. When he is only wearing his boxers he slides under the covers and tries to find a position in which he is comfortable. I strip down to my boxers as well and lay down on my side of the bed, not touching him because he is already in pain and I don't want to make it worse. We lie there for a while, in the dark, and suddenly I feel his hand pulling on mine:

"Can you move a bit closer?"

I do as he asks, carefully spooning him without squeezing or pressing on his body.

"Am I not hurting you?"

"No... I need you to hold me for a while..."

I kiss his shoulder and do as he asks. I know he wants to talk a bit more so I ask softly:

"Tell what you're thinking about..."

He doesn't answer straight away and I just stroke his abdomen with my left hand and nuzzle my nose in his hair. But after a while he takes a deep breath and starts to talk:

"It's this house Will... I know we are here so my mum can look after us for a while... and I know she needs that... but this house... everything reminds me of my dad Will... everything... I mean, during dinner his chair is empty, when I look out in the garden I see him playing football with me, I miss his black coat hanging in the hall, you know... everything..."

"I know baby..."

"We have been here once in a while but that was just for visits, you know... but now that we are here... you know, to stay for a while... it feels all empty... and it hurts..."

The last words are just a whisper and I wish there was a way I could take the pain away. All the pain, his physical pain in his ribs and his leg, but even more so the pain in his heart. I reach behind me and put on a little light. Then I lay behind him again and lean on my elbow so I can see part of his face. His cheeks are wet and his eyes are watery. He is not looking at me and I remember just in time I cannot roll him over to make him look at me, and neither can I roll over him to look in his eyes. I get out of bed and kneel in front of his face, next to the bed. My right hand runs through his hair, my left arm is around his shoulders, and I let my face lean against his. I hear him whisper again:

"It hurts Will... I miss him..."

I kiss his cheek and use both my thumbs to brush the tears away. Our eyes are locked together and my heart feels like it is going to burst from all the love I feel for this man in front of me. We are not speaking anymore, I just sit there on my knees next to the bed, where he lying on his side, facing me. I hold him close and slowly feel him calm down. When his breathing evens out I realise he fell asleep. I kiss his temple and stand up slowly, careful not to wake him up. I lay back behind him and look at his strong broad shoulders. Even though my heart hurts for him I am happy he is able to open himself up to me, that he allows me to look into his heart, even when it is broken and sad. I listen to his breathing and before I close my eyes I whisper softly:

"I love you Sonny..."

(...)

When I wake up the next morning he is already awake, lying on his back with his face turned towards me. I smile when I see him and he smiles back. I lean forward and kiss him, enjoying the feeling of his soft and warm lips pressed against mine.

"Waking up like this is nice..."

He smiles and pouts his lips, so I lean forward again to repeat the kiss.

"How is the pain honey..."

"Bad... as long as I lie still I'm OK, but I better not move..."

"I'll get some painkillers."

I walk to the bathroom and get the medication and a bottle of water. He takes the tables and I feel his eyes on my skin when I walk around the bed to lie down again. His voice is sweet when he says:

"Thanks babe..."

"You're welcome."

"No... not just for the tablets... for last night as well."

I roll on my side so I can look into his eyes and my hand reaches up to touch his cheek.

"You're welcome."

He smiles when I say that, but his eyes keep mine captive when he continues:

"Seriously... I felt safe when you were holding me like that... you know? You were looking after me..."

My fingers are brushing his cheek and my thumb carefully strokes his bottom lip. My eyes let go of his and I stare at his mouth for a while. Then I look back into his eyes and say softly:

"I promised your dad I would... so... and besides... I hate to see you in pain, and when I see that, all I want to do is make it better..."

"Thank you."

My thumb is still stroking his lips and I sigh and shake my head while I lean over to him:

"Honestly, your lips look too sweet, I just have to kiss them."

He smiles widely but I kiss him anyway. His smile fades and his lips capture mine as firm as mine are catching his. He opens his mouth and I slide my tongue inside. I moan softly and feel myself getting caught up in the moment. Before I know it my hand is grabbing his chest, but as soon as I do his scream makes me jump up:

"Ouch..."

"Oh baby, I am so sorry... I'm so sorry..."

His hands are laying on his ribs and he breaths through the pain with his eyes closed. When he opens his eyes and sees me, he smiles while shaking his head:

"You're killing me..."

"I am so sorry Sonny... really..."

His hand reaches out to pull me close to him again.

"Don't apologize."

"I... I...but I am really sorry..."

"William Horton-Kiriakis, don't apologize for me being such a good kisser that I can make you forget everything around you..."

I squint my eyes while I look at him and shake my head:

"Well if you put it that way..."

"And I think, because you did grab my broken ribs, to make it up to me you have to kiss me again..."

I am hesitant because the last thing I want to do is hurt him again. But his begging brown eyes and that incredibly cute pout convinces me and I lay close again and kiss him softly, although no tongue this time, just to be on the safe side. When I let go of his lips he sighs contently:

"I love you Will."

"I love you too Sonny."

(...)

"Stop being so stubborn..."

"I'm not stubborn..."

"OK, stop being stupid then..."

"Will, I am not stubborn, and I am not stupid, I just don't want any painkillers anymore..."

"Why not, I can see you are in pain..."

I can see in his eyes he has made up his mind and I will not be able to convince him to do anything else. I shake my head while looking at him, but he avoids my eyes. We have been at the mansion now for a couple of days and although he feels better the pain is still there. But since yesterday he is trying to go without painkillers because they make him sleepy and drowsy and he hates that. And I have been trying to change his mind, to the point where he is now angry with me, and he is annoyed with everything I want to do for him.

"Just let me be Will, stop fussing..."

I shrug my shoulders and walk towards the door:

"I have to run some errands, I'll see you later."

I don't even wait for his answer and just close the door behind me. When I reach the front door Adrienne walks down the stairs and she pulls up her eyebrows:

"What's the matter..."

"Sonny... Sonny is the matter..."

Before I know it I am telling her about all my frustration:

"He is in pain, but he is too stubborn to take his meds. And whatever I do he gets annoyed saying I should stop fussing... I am not fussing... I am looking after him... that is all I do, and I understand he wants to do things himself, but he can't right now... so why is he taking it out on me when I just try to help him..."

I suddenly realise she is smiling and I stop talking and wait for her response. She sits down in the stairs and pulls me next to her. She holds one of my hands and starts talking:

"Let me tell you a story of Sonny when he was about 15 years old. He was playing rugby and he injured his knee and his wrist at the same time. So he was home for a while and I tried to look after him... just like you do now. You know... get his drinks, his tablets, his food. And for the first few days he was fine, chatty and sweet, but after a few days he was irritable and rude to me. So his dad spoke to him one day and said: Son, your mother is looking after you and you better let her, do I make myself clear. Sonny just looked at him and nodded."

I can't help but smile thinking about a cute, little Sonny, injured from rugby, being told off by his dad so he would let his mum help him. Adrienne continues while leaning her shoulder against mine:

"You know... he always wanted to be independent and he wants to be strong. He wants to help others, be there for others. I know he loves to look after you..."

"Yeah... but these past months, you know, with Justin, I looked after him a lot, and he let me hold him and comfort him..."

"I know, he needs you for that... but this is different. This is a physical injury and he feels like your patient. And he hates it..."

"So, what do I do know..."

"Well, I am not sure... but I know that what Justin did worked..."

She smiles at me again and squeezes my hand before she stands up. While she walks away she turns around and says:

"Thank you for loving him like you do..."

She is gone before I can say anything to that. I chew my bottom lip while sitting on the stairs, trying to decide my plan of action. After a while I decide to just go back in and be firm with him, so I pull myself up and slowly walk back towards the living room. He is still lying on the couch and his hands are supporting his chest. His eyes are closed and I can see that he is in pain. Without a word I walk over to the tablets and grab a bottle of water along the way. When I stand next to the couch his eyes are open and he is still annoyed:

"Now what did I say Will... I don't need those, and I don't need you to fuss over me... I'm fine..."

"Shut up Sonny..."

I hold out the tablets and the bottle of water and just look at him. However, he is not very impressed yet:

"I mean it Will, I am not your patient..."

My eyebrows lift slightly and I make a note to myself to thank Adrienne later for her insight. I just nod:

"No you are my husband, and I am allowed to fuss over you... and just before you get annoyed again... isn't this just like when you injured yourself during Rugby?"

"What? How do you know that..."

I ignore his question and continue my carefully planned attack:

"Your dad was angry, wasn't he... because you told your mum not to fuss? Well babe, this is exactly the same... and I don't think it is fussing, I think it is taking care of you... and as your husband that is my job... so shut up and take these tablets."

His eyes don't let go of mine, but I don't even blink. He shakes his head and he smiles slightly:

"You must have spoken to my mum...two against one is not fair you know..."

He takes the tablets with the water and sighs:

"I hate lying here, I wish I was better..."

"I know baby... you'll get there, I promise."

I smile reassuringly and lean over him to kiss him softly. He kisses me back and when we let go he holds my face close to his while whispering softly:

"And when I am better the first thing I am going to do is give you that massage... and I am one hundred percent sure that it will have a very happy ending for both of us."

I blush, I can't help it. He is using one of his not so secret weapons again, the one where he promises me great sex, and as always I am not able to resist it. I decide to make it a little bit harder for him too and I bite my bottom lip. His voice is not more than a breath when he says:

"Stop that..."

"What?"

My eyes are innocent and wide, and he shakes his head while a smile curls around his lips:

"You know very well what I am talking about."

He pulls me in for another kiss and then lets me go:

"Go... run your errands...we both need some time apart."

I am laughing out loud now:

"You started it... you mentioned a massage... and to make it worse you added a happy ending to it"

I walk to the door, and just before I walk out I hear him call my name:

"Will?"

"Yeah...?"

"Just so you know... I didn't start this, you did... you were being firm and bossy... and that is another one of your secret weapons."

"Really?"

"Oh yes baby, major turn on..."

He smiles his bright smile and I smile back, and just before I leave I say:

"I'll keep that in mind."


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi everyone... hope you enjoy this chapter... look forward to hear your thoughts!**

**Will's POV**

"I stink will... I just want a shower..."

"I know you want a shower, but we lost the cast cover, and you cannot get it wet..."

"It's hot, I have been sweating all day... I don't care if the cast gets wet."

"Wow, you're cranky..."

He just sighs and shakes his head:

"I am fed up... stupid cast..."

I can't help but laugh, and the look in his eyes shows me that that was not the response he was hoping for. It is 10.30 pm and we are getting ready for bed. In the past weeks his ribs feel a bit better and the cast will come off soon. Nonetheless, he is right, it has been warm and sweaty today, and I understand his frustration for not being able to take a shower. I crawl over the bed towards him, and sit on my knees behind him and help him take off his shirt. When I let my hands stroke his chest, he pulls my hands away:

"Don't Will... I mean it... I stink and I am sweaty..."

I let him go and stare at his back for a while. And suddenly I have an idea... I jump of the bed and walk over to bathroom to check the possibility of my idea before I share it with my grumpy husband. When I walk back into our room he is looking at me with raised eyebrows:

"What got into you...?"

"I am going to help you out..."

His eyes soften a bit when he looks at me and he shakes his head:

"You are sweet... but it's OK, you can't suddenly find that leg thing..."

"No I can't find the leg thing... but I can still help you out."

I stretch out my hand, gesturing him to stand up. After he is back on his feet I help into the bathroom and hold still before the bath tub. He looks at it... then looks at me:

"You want me to get into the bath? How is that any better than the shower?"

I smile and point enthusiastically at the tub:

"If I help you in the tub, when there is no water in it yet, and then we put your leg over the side of the tub so it will stick out... and then I will put the water in... and if you don't move or splatter about the cast will not get wet... and then before you stand up we will let the water out again."

"Wow, you thought this through..."

"I definitely did... so what do you say..."

"You are going to have to help me lie down though..."

"No problem."

We get to work and I help him out of all his clothes. Then I sit him on the side of the bath so we can lift his healthy leg into the tub. I help him stand up on his one leg, and then lower himself down into the tub. When I reach over to turn the water on, he pulls me towards him:

"As much as I like this... I think we can make this even better..."

"How?"

"You sit down behind me so I can lean into you... you can hold me..."

His dark brown eyes suddenly show his vulnerability, and a light red spreads across his cheeks. He looks away from my eyes for a second and when he looks back he smiles a little smile, asking me to take off him without saying the actual words. I stand up, take my clothes of, position myself behind him and reach to get the water started. He is lying between my legs and leans on my chest, and when there is enough water in the tub and I have been able to turn the water off, I carefully lay my arms around him. His head leans back against my shoulder and I kiss him softly on his cheek. His eyes are closed and he takes a deep breath. I take the sponge and the shower gel that I put in our reach before I got into the tub, and carefully start to wash his chest and his arms. He turns his head slightly so his face leans against my neck.

"This is perfect, Will."

I smile and tease him:

"Even with your leg sticking into mid air?"

We both look at his casted leg that is leaning over the side of the tub. He grabs my one of my hands and brings it to his lips:

"I love you."

He kisses my hand softly and I feel the butterflies in my stomach moving around. He always kisses my hand when he is happy, satisfied, and content. He often does is after we made love and we cuddle up together and try to explain to each other how great it was. We both know that there will be no sex yet with his ribs and his leg, but this feels intimate and close, and it makes us happy, satisfied, and content, and it moves me that he is showing that is his own unique way by kissing my hand. His eyes look up and search for mine. I look back and lean in to kiss his lips. When we pull back I whisper in his ear:

"I love you too."

"Will?"

"Yeah..."

"Sometimes... I am sorry when I am short with you sometimes... it's just... I wish I was better, you know."

"I know..."

"It's not an excuse though... to take it out on you, but..."

I lean in to kiss him again so he will stop talking. My kiss is firm and determined and when I let go he seems slightly overwhelmed.

"I understand... no need to apologize..."

His eyes are wide and dark when they look at me:

"Do that again please..."

I smile and do as he asks, using my hand to cup his face. His lips are soft against mine and his breath on my face makes me dizzy. I feel how he opens his mouth and I cannot deny his invitation. When I feel his tongue against mine I moan softly. A shiver runs down my spine and my right hand grips his hair. The way one of my hands is cupping his face, and the other hand is in his hair makes me feel possessive.. makes me feel strong and masculine. When we let go, slightly panting, he leans his face back into my neck and he softly says:

"I love it when you do that..."

"Do what babe..."

"Hold my head as if it belongs to you..."

I go back to sponging his chest as far as I can reach and enjoy how relaxed and soft he feels in my arms. And I smile when I hear his promise:

"When I am better I will make all this up to you... I promise... that massage is going to be out of this world..."

(...)

The cast has come off and we are now looking at the physiotherapy advices. I hear Sonny sigh and his lips are pushed together in a straight line.

"What's the matter baby?"

"I thought the cast would come off and I would be fine... but this..."

He points at the paper in my hand:

"This looks like hard work..."

I can't help but feel for him. He looks genuinely disappointed, and I really want to hug him and make him feel better. He pulls the paper out of my hand and shakes his head while looking over the exercises he is supposed to do. His right hand goes through his hair and I can't help staring at him. He looks up and catches my staring eyes. I don't even hide it from him, and neither am I embarrassed.

"You were staring at me..."

"I'm your husband... I'm allowed."

"But why... I still walk strange, and..."

"Oh shut up Sonny... your leg will be fine, you just have to stop whining and do these exercises."

He seems a bit taken aback by my sudden outburst and I smile at him apologetically. His eyes challenge mine without using words and I give in:

"OK... I was staring at you because you're beautiful... and when you touch your hair... your hair is my weak spot... there you have it... now get to work..."

He smiles his radiant smile and suddenly looks very smug. I smile and stand up to let him get started with his exercises, but stop when I hear his voice:

"Where do you think you are going."

I turn around and look at him:

"I am going so you can do your exercises."

"You have to help me..."

"What?"

"Common Will, exercises are boring, but I am sure we can make them a lot more fun if we do them together..."

"Was that supposed to be sexy?"

"Yeah... I know it failed... but please stay and help me do this?"

His big brown eyes never miss their effect. I sit back down next to him and decide to tease him :

"Wow, your father was right... you really need someone to look after you..."

For a moment I am afraid he will be mad at me for bringing up his father this way, but his eyes meet mine and I see a light sparkle when he says:

"Yeah, I guess he always knew I am a big baby..."

(...)

Today we move back home. Sonny has recovered and we have to go back to normal life, which means Sonny has to go back to work and I have to go back to University. We hug Adrienne close and she smiles a bit sadly:

"I'm going to miss you guys..."

Sonny pulls her back into his arms and I hear him say:

"Why don't we have a weekly dinner date mum? Every Wednesday we come here and we have dinner together..."

"I'd love that..."

"And mum?"

"Yeah Sonny..."

"If the house ever... you know... if it reminds you of dad and it hurts... then just call us and we can meet where ever you want..."

"Oh honey..."

They hold each other close and we all feel the emotions that suddenly come to the surface. Adrienne is crying softly, holding on to Sonny, trying to swallow away the tears. I see how Sonny is biting his lip and how he is blinking away the tears in his eyes. When they let go, Adrienne smiles and pulls me towards them:

"I am so glad to know that you two are alright... and happy..."

We both nod and when we look at each other we just smile. I look at Adrienne and repeat Sonny's offer:

"Sonny was right... just call us if you want to meet up."

Adrienne nods and we are on our way. When we walk into our apartment we both breathe in deeply.

"Home, sweet home."

Sonny's smile is wide and his eyes roam the room as if he wants to check whether everything is the same as how we left it. I walk over to him with a sudden urge to hold him. He hugs me back and I whisper:

"I cannot believe it... when we left here we were just going to London for ten days... and then the plane happened... and..."

I feel myself getting overwhelmed with emotions and I am suddenly crying. I feel how him arms squeeze me tighter around my waist and I just lean into his body. I feel emotions that I didn't even knew I had. All this time I have been strong, I have been taking care of Sonny, helping him when he was sad about his father or about his injuries, and now I suddenly realise he is OK and we are finally back home. I ask him softly while leaning my face against his neck:

"Tell me you're OK..."

"I'm OK honey... I'm OK..."

"I love you so much Sonny... so much... I need you to be OK..."

His hands are rubbing my back, his voice is soft in my ear and the feeling of his body pressed against mine slowly calms me down. I suddenly feel exhausted and when he leans back slightly to look into my eyes I see his concern:

"Babe, tonight I am going to look after you."

He points at the couch en before I know it I am stretched out with a remote control in my hand and a pillow under my head:

"Don't worry about our bags... I'll get them sorted... and then I will get some groceries and cook dinner. You just relax babe..."

"Thanks..."

I am too tired to protest. Being home and safe with the man I love makes me realise how much energy I have used in the past weeks. As much as I loved being there for him, I need to relax and let go off all the emotions I have held in during the past few weeks. I let him fuss over me and smile when he leans over to kiss me on my cheek. While I nod off to sleep he is busy getting us sorted. When I wake up I smell dinner and I sit up to look at him being busy in the kitchen. After a while he turns around to set the table and when he sees me he smiles:

"Hi..."

"Hi..."

"Sleep well?"

"Yeah..."

I stand up and walk up to him. My hands lock behind his neck and I pull him in for a kiss. I look deep into his eyes when I ask him again:

"Tell me your OK?"

"I'm OK babe."

My eyes never let go of his and I try to find the right words to tell him my deepest fears that I have pushed away from the moment I realised he was not holding my hand and I was alone with a paramedic in an ambulance:

"What am I supposed to do when I don't have you anymore... I can't live without you Sonny?"

His hands are around my waist and his eyes soften:

"Where is all this coming from baby? I am fine, the accident was weeks ago and you never talked like this... where is this coming from?"

I look down and am not sure whether I should explain it to him, afraid he might misunderstand. But he insists and his fingers grip onto my hips. I avoid his eyes when I try to explain my feelings to him:

"It's just... I wanted to be strong for you... you know... with your dad and then the plane crash and your injuries. I wanted to look after you, be your strength, be there for you. And I guess.. when we walked back into our apartment it suddenly hit me... I don't know... we are home and safe... and I suddenly realised what could have happened... I guess I need a moment to be emotional about it all."

He pulls be back into a hug and I hear his unneeded apology:

"I am sorry... I never saw... I never realised... I am so sorry, I should have been there for you more..."

"No Sonny... stop apologizing, I wanted to be there for you... and I was fine... It was just when we came back and... I don't know."

Being in his arms like this feels nice and I enjoy the way he hugs me close. His voice is determined when he says:

"Well then honey, now I am looking after you, OK?"

"OK."

We let go and I sit down at the kitchen table and wait for him to finish dinner. When he places my plate before me his hand is suddenly in my neck and he leans over me to kiss my lips. We have our dinner while discussing our upcoming activities, Sonny being happy to go back to work and I am happy to go back to University. After dinner I stand up to do the washing up, but he holds my hands:

"I am doing this, you relax..."

"I can do some washing up Sonny..."

"I am sure you can... but I got this..."

"OK then... I'll see what's on TV tonight then."

He just smiles and I am not sure what that smile means. But before I can ask his phone rings, so I get the TV guide and screen the channel listings. Hearing Sonny on the phone, doing dishes and just messing about makes me feel safe and at home. It feels how it should be and I resist the urge to stand up and hug him again. When he is finished he goes into our bedroom and it takes him a while to come back out. I wonder what he is doing but I am too comfortable on the couch to stand up and find out, so I just wait for him to reappear. When he walks back into the living room, he grabs the plastic bag he brought home from grocery shopping and returns back to the bedroom.

"Sonny..."

"Yeah..."

"What are you doing?"

"Just a minute and you will see..."

I remember the smile he smiled when I told him I was going to check the TV programs for tonight and I try to understand whatever is going on.

"Sonny?"

His face peeks out from behind the bedroom door:

"Yeah honey..."

"What are you doing..."

"Patience babe..."

"You know I don't have any... and you were smiling funny when I said about watching TV tonight..."

"Oh you saw that?"

"Yes, of course I saw that..."

"OK then, give me ten minutes."

I shake my head and check the clock to make sure I will not have to wait any longer than that. After eight minutes of waiting I hear his sweet voice:

"Will?"

I turn around and see him walk towards me. He pulls me up from the couch and walks me to the bedroom. Before he opens the door he looks at me:

"No TV tonight honey... because tonight I am looking after you..."

He opens the door and we walk into the most romantic setting I have ever seen. The lights are turns off, only the light of many candles colour the room. The bed is sprinkled with rose peddles and soft romantic music is playing in the background. Several bottles are displayed on our night stand and before I can figure out what they are for, I hear him say:

"I promised you a massage..."


	15. Chapter 15

**Will's POV**

"I promised you a massage..."

I look around me, and when I finally look into his eyes I shake my head:

"You didn't have to do all this..."

"Are you kidding me?"

"I mean it."

"Will... I wanted to do this for you... I have been wanting to do this for weeks... you know that right?"

I look around the room again and take a deep breath:

"I don't want you to think that you have to repay me or anything..."

"Will... just stop talking..."

When I look at him with my eyebrows raised I see that his eyes are all soft and sweet, and I feel it in my stomach. He smiles and takes a step closer to me so that I can feel his body brushing against mine. His hands reach up and cup my face, and he looks straight into my eyes when he says:

"Let me take care of you baby?"

I know I am blushing now, and there is no way I can hide it. He can obviously see it, and his hands must feel the heat on my cheeks. I whisper:

"OK."

His smile is beautiful and his eyes are sparkling like never before. His breath is against my lips when he whispers back:

"Good.. because I need this just as much as you do..."

I know that he does. After weeks and weeks of being the one that needed looking after, he needs to be the one that is caring and fussing. And I, on the other hand, really need to be looked after, after weeks and weeks of being strong, I need some time to lean on him. His lips touch mine and we kiss softly. Then his hands move to my shirt and I feel him opening the buttons. He is determined when he pushes the shirt off my shoulders, dropping it onto the floor while pulling me to the bed and asking me lie down on my stomach. I do as he asks me, raising my arms so I can rest my head on them.

"Is the music OK?"

His voice seems too far away and when I look up I see him standing next to our drawer.

"Yeah it's fine... come over here."

He smiles and shakes his head:

"Again honey... you need some patience."

I lean my head back on my arms and close my eyes while letting out a deep breath. I feel the mattress dip on my left side and I know he is next to me. He leans over me and asks:

"I brought oil... you can chose... it's either strawberry or lavender..."

I open my eyes again and see him sitting on his knees next to me, while holding two bottles in his hands. His dark hair looks silky and soft, and his eyes are the most beautiful chocolate I have ever seen. His lips are full and pink, and I need all my self control to resist the urge to sit up and kiss him while burying my hands in his hair. His voice gets me back to the here and now:

"You are staring at me again..."

I smile slightly and close my eyes again:

"Lavender..."

He shifts a bit an suddenly his breath is in my ear:

"Why were you staring at me..."

"No reason..."

"Tell me..."

I open one eye and seeing his beautiful face so close to mine it makes my brain go a bit blurry.

"Hi... you are close..."

"Don't try to change the subject..."

"OK... You are so beautiful and I was considering to skip the massage and go straight to our happy ending."

He is laughing now and before I know it he is sitting on my butt:

"Don't worry honey, you will get your happy ending... but first things first."

"OK..."

"And Will?"

"Yeah..."

"Just believe me when I say that doing this first is costing me every ounce of self control I have because ... let's just say I also look forward to our happy ending..."

I can't help but smile and then I just relax, enjoying the feeling of his weight on my butt. He leans forward a bit and whispers:

"The oil could be a bit cold at first honey..."

Then his hands are on my back. The oil is a bit cold, but his hands are warm and strong and I feel goose bumps all over me. And of course he notices immediately:

"Aw honey... is it too cold..."

His hands hold still and I know he is waiting for my answer. I just cannot believe he is that naive:

"Are you serious Sonny?"

"What?"

"It's not cold babe..."

"But you have goose bumps all over, and you are shivering a bit..."

"Sonny... do I have to spell this out to you?"

"What?"

"OK then, you asked... we have not been together in weeks... these goose bumps honey is just what you do to me... now get back to work."

He leans over me and I feel his lips in my neck. The goose bumps are back immediately and I feel how his lips curl into a smile:

"I see..."

He sits up and I like the feel of his hands on me; strong, but also sweet and caring. I feel my body relax slowly while his hands kneed away tight knots in my muscles. I sigh contently and let out a soft moan while he continues my massage. His hands go over my arms slowly and while he is doing that I feel his upper body covering mine. I suddenly realise he is still wearing his shirt and in a reflex I lift my head and say:

"What's with the shirt..."

He just laughs and I feel him sit up again and seconds later his naked skin touches my back. His lips are on my cheek and his voice is soft and sweet:

"Better?"

"Hmmmm."

I moan contently again and let him continue with the massage. He suddenly starts speaking, slowly, as if he carefully has to chose the words:

"Honey... I just want you to know that I love you... everything about you... these past months have been hard, but knowing you are with me makes me strong..."

I don't know what to say and feel overwhelmed with emotions. His hands now hold still on the middle of my back and he continues:

"I don't want to be without you ever... OK? Because I don't know how to do that anymore..."

"I am not going anywhere babe..."

"And Will...just for the record..."

"Hmm?"

"I stare at you a lot..."

I wiggle underneath him and he lifts himself up slightly so I can turn around to face him. When he sits down again I hold my breath for second to enjoy the feeling of our intimate touch, even though we are still wearing our jeans. Then I grab his hands and hold them tight, locking my eyes to his. He smiles shyly and explains, while his cheeks slowly turn red:

"You are so beautiful... your eyes are so blue and deep. And your face is just perfect..."

His eyes go over my face and it feels as the sweetest caress:

"Just perfect..."

His eyes lower towards my chest and his cheeks colour a bit more when he whispers:

"And you body..."

I pull him down, unable to control myself anymore. My hands are in his hair and my lips are on his. His chest touches mine and he shuffles until he is stretched out between my legs, never breaking our deep, wet, and sloppy kiss. When he lets go of my lips and starts kissing my collarbone I stroke his back, softly reminding him that we are both really overdressed for what we are doing. He smiles and seconds later our trousers and boxers are on the floor and he is settled between my legs again. His naked body feels warm against mine and I feel my heart pound in my chest. He puts his hand on it and whispers:

"Your heart is pounding."

"Yours is pounding too, I can feel it..."

When we look into each other's eyes we know that there is nothing between us, not physically, but also not mentally or emotionally. I am completely his, and he is completely mine. His eyes change from the sweet dark chocolate into a colour that is best described as black coffee. His voice is husky when he says:

"I think we should move on to our happy ending."

(...)

The next day I am still in seventh heaven from our love making. When we fell asleep we were curled up in each other, completely content and satisfied after we both had two very, very happy endings. When I woke up this morning he was already gone to work. And I sigh when I look at the empty space next to me. I reach for my phone to sent him a text and smile when I see that he has already sent me one:

'Hi babe... last night was perfect... I love you.'

'It definitely was and I love you too... will see you at the coffee house around 3.'

His answer is quick:

'Can't wait, enjoy Uni."

I get dressed and get myself some breakfast before leaving for my lectures. I walk around our living room with my bowl of cereal and hold still before Justin's picture. I look at his smiling face and smile back while saying softly:

"Don't worry about Sonny... I'll look after him... and he looks after me."

I nod to Justin and for just a second I feel a rush of pain in my heart, but it goes just as quickly as it came. I continue:

"We miss you though... but we're fine."

I finish my cereal and have to hurry up to be on time for my first biology lecture. The day goes by quickly with lessons and with catching up with my class mates. All of them heard of the plane crash and they obviously wanted to know what happened. Every time I tell the story I realise how lucky we are to have survived, and at the end of the day I hurry to the coffee house because I just want to give Sonny a hug. When I walk in he smiles the smile that is just for me and hugs me close when I pull him towards me.

"Hi babe..."

"Hi."

I let go and sit myself down at the counter, watching how he pours me a cup of black coffee. When I look at it and fold my hands around the cup I can't help but think about last night when his eyes changed into the exact same colour as the coffee in my mug. I can't help but enjoying the familiarity of being here again. To just lead a normal life, no injuries, no cancer, no hospitals... just work, study, and being in love. We talk about our day and I start studying while Sonny goes back to his costumers. Every now and again he makes sure my cup is filled, or her strokes my back, or squeezes my neck while he walks past me. And I find myself staring at him sometimes, just enjoying the incredible sight. A few times he suddenly looks straight into my eyes and I no longer care about him catching me stare. When he winks at me I don't even blush, I just shrug my shoulders and say:

"I am allowed Sonny... as I am your husband this is completely healthy behaviour"

I stay at the coffee house until his shift is over and Chad comes in to do the last hours and the closing up. We catch up quickly and then drive home together. While Sonny is driving I try to explain my feelings:

"This was nice... today I mean... just normal, you know?"

"I know..."

He parks the care near our apartment building and before we get out of the car he turns to me and grabs one of my hands:

"After everything... dad and the plane... I think we deserve some... uh... normal."

I nod and smile shyly when I say:

"I spoke to your dad this morning and I told him we are alright..."

His eyes show the emotions he is feeling and when he looks at me he answers:

"I also spoke to him before I left and I said the same thing."

"You did?"

"I think that, as long as we are together, everything will be alright."

(...)

I am looking at my husband who just used all his charm to explain his latest ideas to me. We just had dinner and are now just sitting at the kitchen table which is still covered with leftovers and dirty plates. For the past days I knew he was thinking about something but I waited for him to come to me and share his thoughts. It has now been a month since life went back to normal and we are still thoroughly enjoying it. And as always, my dear husband, is ready for a new challenge in his life, and moments ago he explained to me what this new challenge is supposed to be.

"So what do you think?"

His enthusiasm is endearing, as always, and his brown eyes are practically begging me to be positive and supportive. I smile and shake my head:

"Wow, you're planning on using every secret weapon you have, don't you..."

"I promise you that I will make tonight very memorable..."

"Seriously Sonny..."

"Promising great sex... one of my weapons as I recall you telling me... and so far it has proven very effective"

I sigh and shake my head again:

"Let's be serious though..."

He nods and waits expectantly for my response. I clear my throat and say:

"If that is what you want to do... "

"It is Will... it really is..."

"Then you should do it..."

"But do you think it is a good idea..."

"I think it is a good idea Sonny..."

"But...I hear a but..."

I shrug my shoulders, trying to find the right way to word my hesitation to him opening two more coffee houses in two different cities, each about 50 miles away from Salem. I take a deep breath and smile before I share my thoughts:

"It's just that you'll be very busy... you know... and I will graduate in two months and then I will go to business school... I am just afraid we might... you know... be too busy with other things and..."

"No Will, don't say that... we love each other so we will find a way..."

I am not entirely convinced but his enthusiasm wins it from my hesitation.

"OK.."

He jumps up and pulls me up from my chair to give me a tight hug. I hold him close, unable to let go of my worries regarding these new plans. I tell myself I should be supportive, encouraging his talents and visions, but deep inside my heart I just hope we will not be too busy with other things outside of us. I listen to him talking about venues, colours, and target populations. I smile and nod or shake when I am supposed to, continuously telling myself I am worried for no reason at all. He is now opening his laptop to show me the venues he wants to visit to see if they could be what he is looking for. And I have to agree that they do look very promising. He decides to call the phone number on the website and while he is speaking to a realtor I stare at my desk which is full of study books and notes. I know I have a lot to do before the exams, and even if I wanted to help him with all this, I know I have to use the time I have to study and pass my exams.

"OK, I am going to visit this one in two days, and the other one the day after."

He kisses my cheek briefly while he sits down next to me, pulling the laptop back on his knees. He leans his shoulder against mine while he looks at the pictures one more time.

"You can join me if you want..."

I knew that he would say that at some point, and I knew I would have a hard time to say no. But I take a breath and do it anyway:

"I can't baby..."

"Why not... it will be fun, you know..."

"I know... but I have to study..."

The disappointment on his face is obvious, but when he turns to me to kiss me on my lips he says softly:

"I understand... I'll sent you pictures though..."

"You better, they can be my study break..."

"Will..."

"Yeah..."

"Don't worry about us, we will be fine... I love you and you love me... we can do this... together we can do this..."

I smile and nod, really hoping he is right. He puts his laptop on the floor and leans over to me:

"Besides, I made you a promise which will show you just how much I love you..."

I pull him close, needing to feel him close to me, in an attempt to let go of my worries. And as always the intensity of making love to the man I love more than anything or anyone in this entire world, makes me feel more complete than ever. I surrender myself to him without hesitation, letting him take control over my body without a second thought. While I feel him close to me I finally agree to myself that, even though I am worried about our busy lives, he is worth every bit of energy I have to spent. In our afterglow I look into his bright sparkling eyes and enjoy the lingering kiss he gives me. His breath is against my lips when he whispers:

"See, I told you..."

"Told me what..."

"That I would make this night memorable... but more importantly... I would show you how much I love you and how nothing, not even two new coffee shops and your graduation, can take that away..."

I kiss him again, unable to resist the warmth of his breath and the soft feeling of his lips against mine. When I let go I hide my face against his chest:

"I know Sonny... we'll be alright."

**Dear everyone, thanks so much for still reading and following... I cannot believe that people are actually reading my stories... and hopefully enjoying them! At first I wanted to finish the story in this chapter, but your messages and positive feedback have made me decide to continue for a while longer. We'll see where it ends...I look forward to feedback and opinions!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Will's POV**

I sigh while making a neat pile of my biology notes. I decide to get something to drink before going through them for the umpteenth time. The apartment is quiet and I have made some good progress today. I am in the middle of my exams and tomorrow biology is on the roster. I grab myself a bottle of water and decide to treat myself to some chocolate, and then I sit down at my desk again to continue return my attention to my biology notes. My hands go through my hair absentmindedly, making a mess of it, while I try to remember all the definitions and formulas I am supposed to be familiar with. Around six o'clock the door opens and I feel a quick kiss in my hair:

"Hi honey..."

"Hi... you're home already..."

"Yeah..."

I turn around and watch him walk into our bedroom, and walk out a few minutes later wearing some sweats and a T-shirt.

"You had a busy day?"

"Crazy busy..."

His eyes don't stay focussed on me for long but wonder to the kitchen:

"I was hoping you made dinner..."

"I'm sorry, still working on biology..."

He nods and I realise he looks really tired. He slides down on the couch and turns on the TV. I try to refocus my attention to biology so I can finish reading the rest of my notes one last time, but with the sound of the TV I find it difficult to concentrate:

"Sonny... can you turn the TV off... I only need about an hour and then I am finished..."

He turns it off but I see the slight irritation on his face. An irritation I have seen more often lately and I don't like it.

"Sorry honey... I just have this exam tomorrow... you know?"

"It's OK Will... you go and study."

He stands up from the couch and makes himself a bowl of cereal. I feel guilty now and turn around again so I can face him:

"Sonny... if you wait an hour I'll cook for us... I know you had a busy day..."

"It's OK Will... I understand..."

His eyes quickly meet mine, and it hurts me when I miss the warmth and sweetness that always makes me feel special and loved. But the way he looks at me now makes me worried and for a moment I consider leaving biology for what it is, but the fear of failing the test is too great. For another hour I go over the material to make sure I am confident about my knowledge, and then I stand up and walk to the kitchen to make myself a bowl of cereal. Sonny already went to our bedroom and I am not in the mood to cook for myself. After I have finished my breakfast-dinner I walk into our bedroom and find my husband spread across our bed, already asleep. I look at him while I kneel down next to the bed. His face is inches away from me and yet it feels as though he is further away than that. My worries about us growing apart due to busy schedules have proven to be very valid. When we first discussed the two coffee houses and my exams, which was two months ago, we promised it would all be alright. But now, eight weeks later we have to realise we are struggling to find time for each other. He is working so hard to get these two coffee shops from the ground, and I am so into my exams that we haven't talked or been together for a few weeks now. Lately it feels as though he is expecting more support from me, and I am unable to give it because I am stressed and swamped with school. My hand reaches up and softly touches his face and his hair. I bite my bottom lip and wish he would wake up from my touch so we could talk and I could hold him and let him hold me until the sun comes up in the morning. But he doesn't wake up so I stand up and take my clothes off and crawl into bed wearing only my boxers. He stirs slightly when my weight dips the mattress and when I lay down I hope for him to stir again and curl up against me. But instead he rolls away and I am left looking at his back. I stare at the ceiling, trying to find the solution for this mess but I am clueless. I finally give up and decide to spoon him. He doesn't resist and I hold him as close as I can. My voice is soft and emotional when I whisper:

"I love you Sonny...I love you so much."

(...)

"It's the opening of the coffee house Will..."

"I know that Sonny... but I can't make it that night..."

I have never seen him like this. I have seen him sad, emotional, numb, angry, but never disappointed like he is right now. And in my head I go over my options, but I realise I have no other options.

"I am sorry Sonny..."

"Whatever Will...? "

I sense how his disappointment turns to anger and I brace myself slightly while trying to defend myself:

"That night is an open evening for all new students at the business school Sonny... that's where first contacts are made... I have to blend in... You know that."

He shrugs his shoulders and I raise my hands in defeat:

"I said I am sorry Sonny and I explained why I am unable to join you... what do you want me to do..."

His eyes suddenly focus on mine and I see the storm raging in his, turning them almost black:

"I want you to support me... that is all I want... from my husband."

His words are like swords, and I feel wounded by their message:

"What are you saying... that I'm a bad husband?"

"Whatever..."

He turns his back to me and makes himself a cup of coffee. I lean on our sofa, feeling hurt, insecure and torn. I do want to support him, but I also want to have a great start with my new class mates. Everyone knows that first meetings are always the place to connect with people and become part of the group. I see the tension in his body and I wish I could just walk over and take him in my arms, and kiss all the anger and disappointment away. But I can't... for some time now there has been something in my way, and I am not sure how to define it. When he turns around to face me again his eyes are distant, unwilling to show me their emotions:

"Let's just drop it Will..."

My heart sinks a bit when I hear those words, as I was hoping we could sit down and talk about our struggles. But he is distant and there seems to be no room for conversation, so I let him walk passed me and turn on the TV. I shake my head and walk to the bathroom to take a shower, trying to control my emotions. But once I am underneath the streaming water I am no longer able to contain myself. Tears flow down my cheeks and mix with the water from the shower. My heart feels like it is going to break and slowly my whole body starts shaking when I start sobbing uncontrollably. I hope the sound of the falling water and the door will hide my breakdown from Sonny, as I am no longer able to cry quietly. I feel our relationship is going wrong and my heart aches when I think back a few months ago when we were happy together, despite Justin passing away, and despite our injuries from the crash. But now we are back to normal life and we seem to have lost control. We are both busy, too busy, and we are growing apart. Even though the water is warm, I am trembling and goose bumps are covering my skin. I try to take deep breaths to regain my self control and to stop crying. And although it takes a while, eventually I feel the deepest pain subside, being replaced by a sharp constant ache in my heart that I am unable to let go. I turn off the water, dry myself and wrap a towel around my waist. But before I walk out to go to our bedroom I look at myself in the mirror and whisper:

"Be strong... don't break down again."

(...)

When I wake up in the morning I immediately realise I have been alone in this bed all night. I sit up and reach for my phone, but I realise I have left it on the kitchen table. While walking into our living room I am suddenly pinned to the floor. My heart stops for a second and it feels as though a knife is stabbed into my heart again and again. Sonny... my Sonny... is sleeping on the couch... he is sleeping on the couch instead of sleeping with me in our bed. I am not sure what to do, and weigh my options while staring at him without moving an inch. His hair is messy and gorgeous, his skin looks so smooth and soft and his lips are slightly parted, making them all that more attractive. He is only wearing sweats and his naked chest looks strong and well defined. I wish I could just walk over, kiss him awake and make love to him on the couch, but there is still something standing in my way. I decide to softly walk back to our bedroom and wait quietly until he wakes up and leaves for work. I don't have to wait long as he wakes up a few minutes later. When I hear him walking softly into our bedroom I close my eyes pretending I am asleep. I hear him trying to find something to wear and when he is dressed I expect him to just walk out of the room. But instead I suddenly feel a rush of cold air next to me and his fingertips are softly brushing my cheek. My heart is pounding in my chest and I try not to give away that I am as awake as he is. His voice is soft and I am almost certain I hear a light tremble:

"I love you Will... I love you so much..."

I feel it going wrong... I feel a tear in my eye that I am unable to hold in without blinking and swallowing. I open my eyes to let the tear free and look straight into his dark sad eyes. His hand lets go of my cheek and he stands up as though the feels caught doing something he is not allowed to do. We look at each other and I feel how my single tear is now joined by many others. I am unable to control them and I am unable to let go of his eyes. I see the pain radiated from them and I suddenly reach out my hand. He is not pulling back so I grab his hand and squeeze it slightly:

"Sonny..."

He is not responding, but his eyes are still locked onto mine. It feels as though we are trying to tell each other what we feel but there are no words to describe it. Finally he moves and I shiver when his fingertips softly touch my cheek again. He tries to wipe away my tears, but the sweet gesture just touches me so much I feel more tears falling down. He sits back down on his knees and cups my face in his hands. His eyes are still focussing on mine and we are still not speaking. His thumbs keep brushing my cheeks and my hands grip around his wrists as if I want to keep him with me forever... and I actually wish I could. His eyes, dark and sad at first slowly change and I am slightly overwhelmed by the emotions that are flowing around in the gorgeous brown of his eyes. I repeat myself again softly:

"Sonny..."

His answer is a whisper:

"We should talk..."

"Yeah..."

I swallow a lump in my throat, and squeeze his wrists. He whispers again:

"Tonight... let's talk tonight... I'll be home around seven..."

"OK."

His thumbs continue stroking my cheeks and then suddenly he stands up. I hesitantly let go of his wrists and then he is out of the door. I lie back down again and hug his pillow close to mine while I tremble with emotions. I know that tonight we will have to talk about everything and at the end we will either be together or we won't. The knife in my heart seems to turn around slowly and I hide my face in his pillow while whispering softly:

"Please, please, please..."

(...)

I got sushi for tonight. It is now seven o'clock and Sonny will be home any minute now. He loves sushi, so I decided to go out and surprise him. I am nervous, and scared, and nothing short of an emotional wreck. All day I have been thinking about our upcoming conversation, imagining he would pack his bags and leave me, while at other times I imagined a happy ending. And as much as I wish that last option will be true I am unable to think too much about it because I am not very confident tonight will end well. I hear the sounds of keys and seconds later he walks in. His eyes meet mine immediately and he softly says:

"Hi..."

"Hi..."

He pulls his tie loose and takes it off. His suit jacket goes on the chair in front of the desk and the top buttons of his blue shirt come loose... he looks so good. I am happy I decided to wear my white shirt, knowing how much he likes it on my. He sits down opposite me at the kitchen table and a small smile curls around his lips when he sees the sushi:

"Sushi?"

"Yeah... I know you like it..."

"Thanks..."

His eyes meet mine again and he clears his throat before he speaks again:

"I... uhm... I'm not very hungry yet though... maybe we can... uh... talk first?"

I nod and swallow visibly, while I sink my teeth into my bottom lip. We are both not sure where to start and finally his hand goes through his hair and he sits up straight:

"Will... I..."

He stops and nervously draws patterns with his fingers on the table. Then he looks at me again and his voice is unsteady and weak:

"What happened Will?"

I look down and swallow again. I blink several times and when I am almost confident I can keep it together I look at him again:

"We are too busy Sonny..."

The moment I say that I see a defence guard clouding his eyes and he says:

"I am just trying to make a living Will... that's all..."

"Sonny... I am not blaming you..."

"Well it sounds like that..."

"I am not... but the fact is that you are working a lot ... and I have been studying a lot... and because of that I can't be there when the coffee shop opens and I couldn't make you dinner when you came home all tired, and that's why we haven't been together for weeks, or just talked about things..."

"You make it sound like I was asking ridiculous things..."

I sigh and shake my head, wishing he could let go of his defensive guard. I try again:

"No... those are normal things to ask... but I had to study Sonny... believe me when I say I wish I had more time to support you... but..."

His eyes are avoiding me and his fingers are still drawing on the table. His voice is weak and unsteady again and his defence seems to subside slowly:

"I just need your support Will... ever since dad... you know... I just need you to help me and support me...I'm not strong enough on my own.. you know?"

My hands reach over and grab his.

"Sonny... look at me..."

When his dark eyes meet mine I feel my heart break a little, and I whisper:

"I do support you Sonny... and I am sorry if it didn't feel that way... I love you... I love you... but I cannot just leave all my own stuff behind... you know that... but I am so proud of you... and I do love you so much"

He is biting his bottom lip and he nods his head slightly and I see a hint of guilt in his eyes:

"I know you are busy Will... I just... I don't know..."

I suddenly feel that I am losing my self control and I need to feel him closer:

"Sonny, please hold me... I need you to hold me... please..."

I see the concern in his eyes and seconds later I am in his strong arms, leaning into his body, feeling his lips against my ear:

"Sssh Will, I've got you..."

I hold onto him for dear life and sniff softly in his shoulder. When I find a bit of my voice back I say softly:

"You slept on the couch..."

"I'm sorry... I just... I was hurt and scared to lose you...I'm so sorry Will..."

"Just promise me you will never do that again... never again."

"I promise..."

We hold on tightly and his hands are rubbing comforting circles on my back. My hands have found their natural place and are buried in his hair. I enjoy the feel of his heart beat against my chest and his breath in my ear. We just stand there next to our kitchen table filled with untouched sushi, and neither of us wants to break our hug. Both our hearts need the physical contact to mend and although there are still some things to be said, we first need to feel close and we need to feel that our love is as strong as ever. His voice is sweet:

"I love you honey..."

I pull him even closer and whisper back:

"I love you too Sonny, so much..."

Without letting him go I ask him:

"You want any sushi?"

He leans back and looks into my eyes:

"To be honest Will... right now I just want to take a shower."

I let him go reluctantly and turn around to sit down on my chair again:

"OK, you go and take your shower honey..."

"No... are you kidding?"

His arms are pulling me up and push me to the bathroom. Before I know it we are both naked and he is finding the right temperature for the water. I look at him and suddenly realise that the knife in my heart is gone. When he turns around to me I softly ask:

"We are going to be OK right?"

"We are... we definitely are babe..."

He pulls me under the shower and when I feel his wet naked body pressed against mine I moan softly. We both know where this is going and we both need to feel the other as close as possible. Before his lips are on mine he smiles:

"We might want to make a few rules for the future though..."

"What kind of rules..."

"Every Wednesday we are home by 6 and we cook and eat together..."

"OK."

"Every night we kiss each other goodnight even if we have to wake the other up..."

"Yes please..."

"I won't work more than 45 hours a week, and you don't study more than 45 hours a week...so we have time left over for us"

"Done..."

His voice drops a bit and sounds slightly husky when he continues:

"And we make love at least three times a week..."

My cheeks flush bright red and before I can answer him his lips are on mine. His hands are squeezing my butt and I grab his hair firmly with both my hands. He pushes me against the wall and I let him take control. He turns me around and pulls my back flush to his chest. I lean my head back on his shoulder and listen to his last rule:

"And you are mine... and I am yours... forever and ever..."

His hands roam over my chest and slowly find their way down. I close my eyes, and just before I lose myself in his touch and whisper softly:

"Forever and ever Sonny."

**Sorry, I decided to stop the story as I am back at work and at Uni and a continuing story is taking too much time and energy. I am so sorry. I will continue with the one-shots as I find that slightly easier... Thanks for all those following this story and supporting me! I loved writing it and hope you have enjoyed reading it. Thanks!**


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